::>_sPoTt3d.z3bRa_<::

2012-01-01T10:47:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -SuNnY-*~|

It has been a year.. Now it's 2012..
Revisited this dusty blog... i could actually remember the password! Amazing!
Memories of growing up.. silly language and emotions..
Laughed about it..

Life has changed some how or another..
I supposed it's for the better..
Commit in a relationship which is taboo in this job..
nonetheless..we're working through it.. takes time for people to forget someone's illness. And relooked at this man to be a normal individual.
Cancer survivors are somehow similar to those inmates who are released.
Since they have yellow-ribbon.. then what about we have ____-ribbon campaign. lol
The not so good side is losing friendship.. as usual.. distancing.
Never regretted joining nursing.. thou this job is indeed tough..
Not about cleaning backside.. but u see the true self and how fragile life is.. esp in his oncology ward.
Many of my beloved patients left me..
Read a journal article stating that nurses does undergo the grieving process just like the family members.. however we have to protray a professional image infront of the family and colleagues..
Sometimes.. jus wanted some one who could understand and share with me their thoughts and lend me their shoulder if i needed.

Now another step into this speciality of oncology.. Advanced diploma. It's a short 8 months course.. in the midst of it. should be concentrating at my assignments and presentation slides.. =X
Will cancer one day become a chronic illness due to medical advancements?

Stay healthy.
Because money can't buy health.

2011-02-01T15:07:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Rainy-*~|

Sniff sniff..
Covered with dust..
Been a while.. but i hav yet forgotten about this blog..
Probably found another alternative to pen down my thoughts..

Life hasn't change.. very much the same..
People dying around me still.. besides work n relatives etc..
People die one day..
But will i have the courage to face death?
Am i comfortable to speak about death issues after almost 3 years being in the graveyard ward of oncology.. Esp when CNY is near.. more pple are dying..
Kind of like wad i always said... "clear stock"..
Sad thing is... there will be more of the new members of ward 48..

Other than patients dying..
My colleagues are leaving too..
For studies.. for change of environment.. etc.
When will it be my turn to leave ward 48.. It is definitely not a place to stay long..>>wad my patient told me..

Found new light in my life.. hope this light will continue to shine for me till old..
Can't imagine losing this bright light.. i will protect this light n let it shine with me.. keep the fire burning for the warmth it gives..

A feeling i can't resist is the love i get looking @ my little brown bear..
I can't explain how much i love him.. how much i depend on him for comfort..
Been arnd 2 years.. always keeping him close to me.. hugging him, bringing him around the world..
Pple prob find it childish.. crazy..Pls grow up n get over it..
Somehow.. it's jus something u look for at the end of the day.. a comfort zone/thing.
i love u baiwan.. thanks for being with me despite the biting.. diving in the washing machine.. squashing by me.. LOL.

Happy CNY..
As usual.. i don't know wad to do with CNY..
No mood for CNY as i grow older..
All i remember is jus quarrels.. disagreements.. in the family.
And i hate it.
If i wished CNY never came.

2010-09-05T13:24:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Rainy-*~|

Been a while
Many things happened
We chose different paths..
Thou the period was short..
We have created memories that i will look back at..
Unfortunately.. things didn't end up as planned..
I'm sorry..
It's my fault..

Didn't want things to turn out this ugly way..
But i'm scared.
So pls leave me alone.
I don't know how to face the others..
Don't know what to say to them.
The stress i face from ur family, my family.. friends and more.
Some things i can't say. As it will make relationships of u and others sour.
Keeping my thoughts to myself.. as usual.. i didn't change..and you guys hate it.
If i don't say how would pple know.. they don't have xray eyes..
don't know how to say..don't know what to say..
don't know if i shld say..
don't want to create anymore trouble.
jus let it end like this.
I'm ok..will be ok.. will make it ok.
Work and work.. to forget those things..

May u lead a better life..
We will grow up.

2010-07-29T12:10:00.001+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Happy birthday BB!

pray for good weather so that plans can be carried out smoothly.

2010-07-28T00:58:00.001+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -sunny-*~|

thank you bestfriends for helping me with the contacts. =)

hope everything will go thru' smoothly.

2010-07-14T23:11:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

The day we ran errands for our malayasia trip..
A few hours before we meet up with pj,jm,karen and yz.
Slept real late last night.. played bejeweled to almost 5am..OMG!
Woke up arnd noon..

He brought me to temasek poly to have lunch..
Cutlet with CARBONARA..
I still can't get over carbonara..lol..
Ate only half share. then x.x

Walking along the corridors of the design school.. reminds me of the day we first when to TP after O level with xj and dunno who.. so interested in their design courses..
Then.. i chose nursing. Haha.. Then we too went to Laselle at mountbatten before it shifted to town.. Those hopeful thoughts. HA!

Spend the rest of the day doing laundry and packing..
Making sure i don't miss any of my "kids" (bai wan, ji pun neo, gingy and dicky)

Then bejeweled again while he's packing..

Wanted to have dinner with mummy after work.. but seems to have some miscommunication somewhere.. so we have dinner on our own.
EAST Point's next..

I finally bought my first external hard disk.. haha..
Needed one to store all my pictures.. Thought of getting one for dad too.. he needed one for his super mini lappy which stores nothing. lol
Probably some thing for him after donkey years..
Still thinking of how to present it to him.. weird..as most of my friends would know.. we hardly talk.. and i hated him.

wx gotten one for himself too.. =)

Last thing yet to do is to exchange car with dad..
Safer to drive altis in than civic.. esp after the car crash we had last month in jb. traumatizing..
But i still love civic..Sorry..

Have to wake up early tml..
Meeting at bishan at 7am to have breakfast together..
Ke lian the drivers..
Aim to sleep at 12am..

We'll be back on sunday night..

Created an album.. called H O P E.
i'll take a pic with my hp everyday. some thing meaningful to me..
aT least a little thought to show that i still care.

2010-07-14T04:56:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

A heartache day.. A new start.. For us..

Deal.

As thou everything was a dream..
Jus woke up from the dream..
Back to reality
Life goes on.
May love be ur cure.

2010-06-30T18:37:00.001+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Cloudy-*~|

The day i was a little happy.

3rd attempt on Lesson 5..

Big improvement..almost passed..
From 32 demerits to 10 demerits..

Hopefully the 4th attempt will pass and get on with the other lessons..

One step closer..
A little more confidence..

Thanks for all the support.
Phew!

2010-06-30T01:21:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

29th June..

My first outing with my colleagues of B2 station..
The fun people with strange attitudes..lol

The day i lost control of my batman kite.. it flew into the sea..
i'm real sad over it.. grieving process..

Had picnic and kite flying..@ marina barrage.
The sun was a little too Sunny to handle..
Tired feets.. tired body.. burnt skin.. decided to take a break at starbuck @ marina square.. skipped my usual chocolate chip frap.. chose lemon hibiscus.. tasted like sorbet..a little sour..cold. a good quencher..

Then..

It took us super long to decide what to do next cos there's a bowling tournament going on.. which forbids us to play.. No nice movie for all to watch.. Not too hungry for buffet.. after i think 1h we have decided to go to Minds Cafe for board games..
The deal is not too bad for tuesday..aka ladies night at minds cafe.. Ladies dun have to pay.. only need to pay for food/drinks..Good huh.. it's almost like FOC..
The above probably made me a little "sua ku".

Looking forward to the next outing..
Thanks girls and guy for being together today.

2010-06-30T01:14:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Cloudy-*~|

Been half a year..
Many changes.. met many people..
Life goes on..

Contented with what i have..

Should i continue to blog..
Should i get a private blog..
There are times when i jus need to pen down my thoughts..

Still forgetful.. or getting more forgetful..
Those muscle spasms i have on and off..
I felt like an old woman suffering from dementia.. omg.

Work is getting a little too overwhelmed..
Recent breakdowns.. at the end of the shift.. jus need some comfort and rest..
It's like war every day @ work.. fighting for time..
mentally and physically tired @ times..

Apologize if i lose my temper on u..
i didn't mean it.
Some times i jus need a listening ear.. or a shoulder to cry on.. or a little hug to tell me it's ok..
Geez.. emo freak.

2010-01-01T21:56:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Cloudy-*~|

HAppy new year..2010..

Glad to see him home again somehow after so many months..
first day of 2010..
Quite ok..
Had enough rest.. spend quality time with loved ones excluding my family members.

still thinking about us..
state of confusion.

2009-12-24T23:35:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -CLoudy-*~|

HI blog..
I realized not many people like u..
U're named an emo blog..
But What ever they say.. i still likes u..
I created you.
So i won't abandon u..

It's christmas eve.. and less than half an hour to christmas..
And also.. yi bai wan's first birthday..
Felt emo to work afternoon shift on eve and morning on christmas..
Being in the happy crowd.. gg to work and gg home.. it's jus so shitty..
I guess my patients felt that way too.. and those family who stayed behind.

Missed out yuxiu's house party..
Some friends meet out..
Home's quiet.. dad's sleeping.. sis's in china.. mom's yet to be home..
Bro's still missing..
This christmas kind of suxs..

Felt a little better with..
Some sms reply..
wenyang's on call tml.. and feeling sick.. - pls get well soon.
seeing most of my afternoon staffs coming morning..
Patient's little concerns..
Yi bai wan's small hugs..
MOm's hearty packed dinner.. thou it wasn't very nice.. but i felt the warmth.

After work.. walked down hospital drive alone as usual.. cool breeze.. hurried footsteps..
So tempted to cab home when i saw the cabs waiting for passengers..
On second thought.. mayb i shld save cab fare for cm.. haha.
Jus felt like getting out from the crowd and go home n hide in my blanket and sing happy birthday to yi bai wan. HA! damn anti social kind of feeling.

Patients have been smoking in the toilet recently.. our air have been polluted with 2nd hand smoke.. I have scolded them.. yet without manager's permission i can't call the police up to fine them..
We're already at risks of exposure to chemotherapy and now increase our risks of carcinoma more by sharing their pleasures in smoking.
I hate those patients. CAn't help but to curse them inside..
May those smoke kill u before it kills us. ASSHOLES! Mayb u get severe mucositis!!
Maximum ward Management.
I'm sorry but i really hate the smell.

Oh well.. good night blog..
Glad that i have u.

I have partial hearing impairment
I have partial vision impairment
I have prematured dementia
I have poor understanding
I have poor concentration
I have bad temper
I am an emo freak
I am jus so imperfect
I hated myself at times
Wished anyone was there.

2009-12-21T21:40:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Rainy-*~|

Things i wonder..

How i ran that marathon..
How i learnt how to swim..
How could i do those things which i told myself i shldn't.
What am i running away from..

Still thinking about my late angel..
Wonder how is he doing up there..
Miss him some how..
The only person who gave me encouragement @ work..
At least i felt worthy.
Now that u're not arnd physically, i know u're supporting my mentally.
I miss u. I still tear when i think of the bedside scene..
Felt guilty sometimes..
about what u told me about other nurses..
how u felt..
What u wanted..
The last thing u told me.. "I'm tired.Can u help me?"
....

I'm sorry if i dun speak my heart out.
I don't.
I chose to forget.
Selective memory.
Commitment which none can promise.
WHat is it now?

I jus wanna disappear into thin air. RUn with the wind.

2009-12-03T22:38:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Cloudy-*~|

Passed pract 3 in one attempt. seriously.. i didn't do well at the slope.. i jus can't get it.
But figure of 8 and crank course was fun. Did well in those. At least i didn't fall off my bike..
Proceed to lesson 4 and internal evaluation coming week.. Weeeee!!!

Cut my hair again.. this time not tad nice. But wadever..
Wait for next month can cut again liao.. So fun with short hair..can change every month
haha..

Still sick.. coughing at home.. forced myself.. to expel the deadly stuff in me.
Ever since they did tonsillectomy on me.. i kind of lost the ability to cough when i have sore throat. Prob now instead of tonsillitis, i get laryngitis.
Felt even worst.
Self medicating.. those left over meds.

Marathon's really coming..
I even had nightmares of it.
Gosh.
I wanna get well.. and jus complete it comfortably.

Mom's admitted again.. same prob..
Seriously.. wad's new.
Haix..

2009 is not a good year.. faster pass..
Welcome 2010.. Glad that i dun have to work coming new year..
Post night.. Yeah! We can go countdown and hang out.

I fell in love with lu guang zhong..
Would like to go his mini concert at St. James in jan..
It's $49.. but think it's sold out and no one to go with..
Everyone's can't be bothered.

Xiaojun's 'fashion show' coming liao..
So excited for her.. i wanna see her final pieces too..
I'm sorry i have to leave early for night shift.
I know i am always the spoiler..
But i wanna let u know.. i am proud of u..
Jiayou! Future designer.. =)

Sometimes i wonder if the look in ur eyes..
The feeling of having a distance..
All those weird behaviors and feelings are true or are u hinting about something.
Geez..

Ting Jian Le Ma - Lu Guang Zhong.

2009-11-30T22:53:00.001+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Not enough rest..for one week..
Since post night.
Fall sick le.
Horrible

Proceed to Bike Lesson 3 Attempt one tml..

Get well soon..

2009-11-17T17:21:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Been a while since i last saw such great weather..
Nice..
Had a pleasant morning shift..
Thou ytd's afternoon shift was quite busy.. with admissions..
Thanks guys for the teamwork..

Met Mdm Sue on my way home jus now..
Spoke to her about her brother.. aka my patient..
Seems like he's not coping well..
Suffering in pain..
A little withdrawn..
After hearing a little.. made my heart aches..
family can be desperate @ times to even consider drugs..
I meant illegal ones.
But of course they don't have them.. this is singapore man..

Going for bike lessons later Theory Lesson 3 and 4..
Soon can take theory test liao. Yeah!

2009-11-15T21:46:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Rainy-*~|

getting tired easily..
feeling old liao man..

morning shift, afternoon shift..
Bike lessons after morning shift..
meals after morning shift..
Geezz.. i need some rest man..

Brought nanny to orchard ion today... they're like so lost. crowded sunday..
Catch some christmas lightings..
Nicer than last year.. prob due to APEC.
If only i brought my cam..
To take the kids.. the people..
their expressions are quite funny man.

Have been looking at bikes at the car parks..
Heard some advise on bikes..
bad news man..
Auto Vs Manual

2009-11-13T15:13:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Rainy-*~|

4th attempt to pass 2B Pract 1.
And i finally passed!
No injury today. Yah!
But still recovering from the brusies on my left shin.. Ouch!
Hooray..
Sometimes i wonder is it because of the instructor...

whatever it is..
I passed..
Thanks to the previous instructor.. who's so strict on my braking.
That i can brake so smoothly..

Next pract 2 attempt 1 next friday.. traffic rules..won't want to waste so much time and money liao. JIAYOU!

Days are getting a little busy with more lessons, events and work..
Can't wait for dec to come.. at least after the marathon.. relaxed..

Had clarinase this morning.. bad runny nose.. cause by the rain in the morning.
Experienced the side effects again.. palpitation, nausea, cold sweat..
Made me a little hesitant.
Gosh..

happy with you somehow.

2009-11-06T23:40:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Rainy-*~|

Motorbike lesson one #2
Fell off the bike twice. One by myself..trying to avoid another bike..
The other was someone hit my rear wheel. Shit.. That was a hard fall.. My watch broke. Wrist zek tio. And in addition hit my shin @ the same old bruise. Pain ++++
BUT...
I will not give up...
At least I can get the bike off the main stand and change gear smoothly. Now the prob is the brake smoothly before I can get out of the mini circuit

2009-11-03T23:26:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -CLoudy-*~|

Wonderful Tuesday Morning..
IT's the...
Motorbike Practical Lesson 1

Good weather till almost end of the class..
Pleasant experience..
Unapproved shoes.. so have to wear their booties.. which is size 9..i could jus kick it off my feet. At least with that i can reach the ground.
They have damn bloody heavy bike..
Couldn't even get it off the main stand. shit.. and putting them back on the stand.
Tad's the very basic man.. gosh. i felt stupid.
When i finally got it off.. The bike fell on the other side dragging my weight over..
Bo bian lor.. sustain a bruise @ my shin..I felt helpless with such heavy bike.
Have problem changing gear. It jus went dead. HAHA! Then have to start all over again.
At least i felt fun riding arnd the mini circuit with half clutch..
Wahahaha..

As usual.. everyone has to repeat lesson one..
Hopefully can pass it the next round.. which is coming 6th nov.
I'm enjoying it.
Chiong Ah!!!
I can do it!

Then went swimming and eat rainbow ice cream and then nua till now.. almost time for bed.. if i feel ok tml.. i'll try to run in the morning..
Anti-runny nose. ESP after swim.
Thanks butt for ur support! Tad's what i needed. Listen to me and advise me and jus being there.

Sis admitted for ?appendicitis. woah!

2009-11-02T15:53:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Rainy-*~|

Night shifts - done.
First motorbike practical lesson tml.. - booked.
Anxious about tml's practical lesson.. gosh..
Need some support man.. scared. HAHA..

After listening so much from others..
I felt rather disappointed..
I wanted to ask.. who u really are..

2009-10-30T16:58:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Cloudy-*~|

Having enough of fun and play..
It's time to get back to work..
Back to routine life..

I had a memorable birthday and leave..
Thank you to those who participate in making this a blast!
=)

It's night shifts..
as usual.. can't sleep.. tonight sure become walking zombie.

spend the whole afternoon packing my table, do laundry, fold clothes..
Clearing the mess..
Read those unread letters since dunno when..
Get ready for the rountine ahead..
Look thru my organizer..
Got to start planning my motorbike lessons..
I'm quite excited.. haha. Doing this alone.. felt like those days going kayaking course alone.. Well.. meet new people.. =)

Thinking if i should get a beannie.. don't think i'll be buying a helmet..
Also can't always lend from butt..paiseh.
Or shld i jus get one helmet?
So if i use the driving centre one... i think i will need a beannie.. hMmMm..
Haven told my dad abt it.. but at least i told me mom..
She's ok with it.. finally.. but still would like me to learn driving thereafter..

Once i get my license.. time for my degree..

Alrighty.. i'll try to get some sleep.. half an hour/one hour..
Then will have to go work loh.....

2009-10-28T13:09:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

A nurse..
also a human being..
Also have health problems like any normal individual..

Rhinitis.. bothering me almost everyday anytime anywhere..
Change in temperature.. change in position, taste, smell...
causing me some level of pain in my head..

I think i can even build a bukit timah filled with tissue wantans.

Eczema also attacked me.. another flare..
Gotten me clueless on how to manage it..
What aggravated it? I really don't know..
I only know that it's growing..to a certain extend.
And it's damn bloody itchy.

I think i need to meditate..

2009-10-28T01:19:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Happy Birthday..
Welcome to the 21 club.
Officially R21.. haha

Went back to work morning shift.. What a shiok shift..
It felt like sunday..
I asking myself.. what's my purpose here @ work man..
Too.. relaxed. Opps! Enjoy when we can..

Thank you guys for the well wishes.. in SMS, Phone Calls and FB..

A BIG THANK YOU to my dearies
ESP XY..
For all the planning and effort put into my surprise party..
Nice la!
=)
Glad that this year is different.. and much happier.. =)

Achieved some of the things i wanted to do before 21..
YEAH! Well done!

2009-10-24T12:00:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

19th-23rd October 2009
My last Annual Leave slot FY2009.

Cameron Highlands Trip.
With Fung Chee and Keng.
Guide: Leong Hai.

19th October (MON)
Leong Hai drove and picked up every one of us at our house in the late afternoon.
Had a long ride along north south highway.
Stopped to watch sunset @ the pitstop.
We also had Baskin Robbins Ice cream to ease our hunger.
They have great varieties of ice cream man. Can fight with B&J's.
We continued our journey to melaka..By then it's already 8-9pm.
We had "Lok-Lok" aka satay sauce steamboat @ The famous, one and only Capitol Satay.
The only person who enjoyed was the guide. haha..
To start with, i don't like satay sauce. But i still ate alot. Scared there's no food on the way.. better eat than go hungry.
Nice to try something new.
Food were in Big satay sticks selling at RM$0.70 per stick.
We walked along the streets of melaka..
It jus feels the same as our geylang streets/ clarke quay The shop houses..the narrow streets.. the smelly back lanes.. cats, rubbish.. etc..
Trying to recall and relate the little history of melaka we studied in school days..
The Red houses, Old Churches like Christ church of Melaka and Church of ST. Francis Xavier.
Loved the architectures of that area.
After some photos and resting out of the car, we continued our journey..
To Gua Tempurung.. stopped by the highway a few times as our guide needs to rest his tired eyes. Fed many hungry mosquitoes..and killed many too.

20th October (Tues)

It's dawn when we reached Gua tempurung. But it's closed. so we waited outside in the car ZzZzz.. Till 7am.. two guys came to open the barrier. But he told us it's only open at 9am.. IT's like sianx..
FYI Gua Tempurung is a limestone cave.
But that's alright.. at least we can wash up and have some food.
Guide brought out his mini stove which looked like Bunsen burner we used in labs.
Boiled water and had our hot drinks..
The only problem i had was toilet.. they locked the toilets.. -.-
So we have to do it in the bushes.. or wait till 9am..
We 3 girls find a ideal spot and took turns to do our wee wee..with the mosquitoes. haha.. Tad's my first time wee wee in the bushes. Haha.. Glad tad we were the only people there. So don't have to worry about being caught in act.
Finally when it's 9am..
We bought our tickets for the Tour 1 The Golden Flowstone @ RM$6
We actually wanted to do the Grand tour.. but req. min. 8 pple. We only had 3.
Sad sad sad.. i won't mind going back there some day to do the GrandTour. Best times is in Nov/Dec when the monsoon comes..
Nonetheless, we changed into our rubber shoes and proceed with our tour.
Caves are like caves.. haha.. But this is quite huge..
Tour 1's a short one prob arnd half an hour.. so we bought ice cream to eat before heading back to the car where our guide's sleeping.

Next, we went to Kellies Castle. An abandoned mansion.
I was looking forward to this.. loved abandoned places.
As usual, we have to buy tickets @ RM$5
While exploring the house, i was thinking about what Mr Kellie was thinking back then.. he must be a lovely father. Well planned rooms.
There's even linen rooms and wine cellar. Guest rooms were at the top level.. and a lift shaft. sad thing is it wasn't completed.
Or else it will be extremely beautiful.

After kellies, it's late breakfast time @ IPOH..
We had lots of great food..
Like.. ipoh horfun, chee cheong fun, white coffee, custard, fried ice cream, kaya butter toast..
From all the famous old coffee shops.. reminds me of the cake shop at Katong next to Holy Family church.
In all these coffee shops, they have a common display. A large wide Mirror. I didn't know what it meant. Perhaps it's something to do with feng shui?

With a satisfied stomach, we made our way to Gua Tambun to look at cave drawings.
It's free.. but u have to find your way.. it's kind of hidden..
Took us a while to find the place.
This was the first "mountain" i climb.. have to be very careful with the steep route under the HOT sun.. We were quite disappointed as we couldn't find the cave drawings.. ESP fung chee. haha.. she even went on further which is not safe.
So determined man.. me and keng waited at the safer area.. as we were wearing slippers. No grip.
As we slowly head back to the car as we see the dark clouds approaching from far..
I saw the cave drawings.. It was actually quite near the start of the route. HAHA!!
Everyone's delighted.
Yan zai tian bian, jing zai yan qian.. Guess it was too sunny when we were heading up.. all looking down instead of up. Haha..
The sad thing is.. the cave drawings will probably we weathered away in the next few years.. as it's opened to the sun and rain.. prob the next time we go again it will be gone.. Haix.. wasted.
I was amazed to find shells there.. i wondered.

We had a quick break at the hut and had our custard we bought earlier at ipoh.
Then we ran back to the car as the rain approaches.. only fung chee took our her umbrella and walked back slowly..
The running part was fun. Haha..

After that we headed to cameron highlands.. to find a lodge to stay in..
First choice Father's Lodge.. Nice place to rest.. but they were a bit not welcoming/racist and it's expensive.. and toilet's not very nice.
2nd.. we went to cameronian Inn.. better place.. but we expected more..
Had a good indian dinner.. and slept..
As usual.. mosquito attack!

21st October (Wed)

Woke up early and set off for Gunung Brinchang and Gunung Irau.
Drove up to peak of Gunung Brinchang.. Climbed the watch tower..
It's like so freezing cold.. Brrrrr...
Then drove down to the start of our hike at gunung Irau.
It's a long and tedious hike.. 8am+ till 5pm+
We almost died..
My first hike..2110m.a.p.l
At least we'd completed it. Yeah!
The forest is filled with mossy.. and pitcher plants.. they're huge!
Of course we got stuck in those mud!! goo-ey.. yucks!
We then checked in to Daniel's lodge..
Good place @ good rates. Best!

22nd October (Thurs)

The day we felt so stiff..
All of us could hardly get out of bed..
We decided to have a relaxed day..
So we had a good breakfast at T cafe..
English Breakfast, scones, chicken pie etc.. everything's nice..
Love their harsh brown.. home made..
After B/F we walked arnd.. and saw a convent up the hill..we walked up the stairs.. enduring the muscle pain.. to see wad's up there. It's a school..
What amused me was.. garfield cartoons were painted along the walls of the convent.
Then.. we proceed to BOH tea plantation.. nice!
Learnt about the process of tea process..
Then.. Bee farm.. Nothing very interesting. Admire those beautiful flowers.
Had our late lunch 2 Brinchang.. Bah Kut teh..Tasted different from Singapore one..
Finally.. we went to the strawberry farm..
Now i know how a strawberry plant looked like. LOL..
We didn't bother to pick strawberries.. we bought a box and tried..
Nothing special.. tasted ordinary.. bleah~

We headed back to T cafe to have dinner..
Jus loved that place.. they sell good food at reasonable price.
Nua the night away.. shiok.. @ starbucks..

23rd October (Friday)

Woke up early
Deejavu..
went into the forested area again..
To get to the watchtower..
The disappointing thing is.. the watchtower has collapsed.. like ages ago.. and no repair was done.. sianx

At least breakfast was satisfying.. indian prata and thosai.. nice!

Lastly.. a long ride back to singapore.. ZzzZzZzZ

That's all folks..

Did lots of FIRST TIMES during this trip..
Enjoyed it..
Thank You guys..
It's a mind game!

2009-10-08T22:58:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Cloudy-*~|

Running.. running..
Swimming swimming..
Training training..

For marathon..
Short of time man..

2009-10-01T23:47:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Cloudy-*~|

I wasted a day..
Been long since i last did this..
To waste a day..
Spend the whole day watching tv.. falling asleep..
In a semi concious state..

2009-09-24T22:14:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Cloudy-*~|

Being a nurse..
Besides off days, rest days, sleeping days, annual leave..
There's also something called

TRAINING LEAVE!!

So i am having two days of training leave..
Attending a course - Personal Development @ connection one.. By kaplan.
I was like wah.. hospital is putting in money for our "growth" man.
Kaplan leh.. haha.

Day one.. today..
To be truth.. I don't like to go to connection one..
Cos i dun really know how to go there..
But this time.. lady luck's on my side..
It was raining heavily this morning.. hated the morning rush of course..
Air in the train is so choking.. trying to breathe the warm stuffy air..
Glad tad i din die of SOB..
No umbrella.. then how?
I was thinking if i shld alight at outram or tiong bahru..
So in the end i decided to alight at tiong bahru.. i've made the right choice..
Not a drop of rain reach my head. Yeah!

The trainer was late.. apparently he met in an accident.. so we had a replacement..
In the end, class started at 10am.
So i slept for one hour...
I can never sit in a class/ lecture without snoozing..
Glad that the trainer was ENTERTAINING.. haha and also ENGAGING.
Great! I enjoyed the whole session.. and looking forward to tml's session.
Always loved the sharing session.
Got to know a few more nurses of different age group, disciplines and environment.
More of the clinic nurses.
What more.. Mr YY is in my class.. it has been a while since he left for CSSD.. Glad that he's doing well there. At least he enjoys now. At the age of retirement.. working in the ward is too stressful la.

Lunch at bukit merah was great.. Fried kway teow is the MUST eat food at the hawker centre. And it's only $2. Nice.. once in a while..
Everything there looks great..if only they could uproot this hawker centre n place it in sgh campus.

At the end of the day..
Met up with ter.
I was there early.. so i didn't know where to go..
I don't wanna shop.. nothing to buy in bugis.
So i went to NLB. My second time there..
My first was with DH.. after nonya buffet..we played with the lift. HA!
Sat at the cafe..tot i could fake thru by sitting at the uncleared table.
So i dun need to buy a drink..
In the end still kena caught..
"Miss ah.. if u wanna sit here.. u need to buy something.." HAHA
I said.. ok.. but i still continue to sit there for a while..
Was watching the ladies.. prob a handful of men.. doing aerobics..
Cute sia.. the wide age range. Got me interested.. felt like joining them too.
Looks fun.
It's difficult to concentrate on my book.. when i can't leave my eyes off them. HAHA.

Then we had dinner at the hk cafe at bugis junction..
Used to have long queues..
Seriously.. I wont go there again. it suxs.

Then i took a long bus ride home.. ZzZz..
Glad to be home..

Had a few reflection/thoughts today..

- IT's good to attend classes out of work context..
Keep us thinking.

- The difference between office hours and my nurse shift work timings.
Waking at 5am and waking up at 6/7am.. the difference is BIG!
At least i dun dread to wake up after 6.

- Why am i a nurse? My dream is to be a farmer.. I even dreamt of planting a seed in front of my hse.. and it will grow into a tree. As thou it's like jack & the bean stalk. haha.

- Nurses in china/india/Hk VS singaporean nurses.
The difference in job scope/responsibilities and our salary.

Jus little thoughts..

End of the post..
I wanted to say WTF. Don't blame it on others. Always think abt ur own stand first.

Was watching the documentary on crucification on okto.
I was like ouch. Christ.

2009-09-19T23:19:00.001+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Cloudy-*~|

Back to work..
Surrounded by chemo..
The long stayer came back.. was kind of happy & sianx to see him.. haha..
Hope he won't stay too long this time..

Only bad thing is..
Toothache..at arnd 3pm..
Couldn't chew.. haiz..
Plus the food i brought is dry..
I couldn't enjoy my salmon..
Took one hour.. and still only finished half the share..
And swearing all the way. suxs..

On my way home.. I saw someone who looked so like u..
If only it's u..
Haix..

Go away toothache..!!

2009-09-18T19:02:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Rainy-*~|

A day..
Supposed to be out with my satay n twin..
But tad's alright.. studies more impt k.
And we've avoided the rain. Heng ah~

Met up with jinghao..
Went to Carl's jr to hav brunch..
Not too bad..
Still i couldn't get the perfect taste of lemon tea.
Mine's too sweet..
Shared with me his business..

Then we went to woodlands industrial area to get some food.
Amazed by the wholesale prices and the food selections..
At that point of time i felt so fortunate to have food readily available..
The next time i eat a cake or roast duck or curry puff, I'll feel the extra warmth n effort.. Because i saw how these pple make them.. Hao gan dong..

Then came home and nua.. rest well.. cos the upcoming week will be a busy one..Have to work for 7 days of PM AM PM AM shift.. and two days of training leave.. attend some classes.. haha.. dunno wad also.. hope someone in the ward is going too.. or else i'll be damn bored..

Thinking abt wad to wear to mel's wedding..i always and still get anxious over wad to wear.. Cos i am not those type who always and feel comfortable abt gg to these stuff.. gosh..those who know me.. U guys will know how i feel man.. Haha.

I'm going to wish myself..

HAPPY WORKING!! haha..

Then.. i starting to think abt friends.. again..

What are friends for? Seriously.. thinking abt it..
They're there when u needed them? Physically, emotionally..
Is that what it shld be?
Besides the selfish thinking and stuff..
Sometimes i felt i was being made us of.. or the kind of need me then find me thingy.
After so long.. i felt empty..
What brought us together and became friends..
But.. on the other hand.. i depend on some pple too..
So.. wad the heck..
....click..."delete".

Thinking back on the day i was real sick.. Tossing and turning in the middle night.. close to dawn.. really BTH..fever 39.2
I was thinking who can i call for help?
Of course my dad never came into my mind..(he nv did)
Then.. a few pple came into my mind..
In the end i didn't call..cos i know they hav to work the next day.
I helped myself.

End of hungry ghost month.

2009-09-16T18:07:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Rainy-*~|

Last day of nua before work..
Feeling better already.. Thou the pain is still there..
At least better than day 1

Have to complete the omeprazole n augmentin..

Jiayou Jiayou Jiayou..

2009-09-13T17:42:00.000+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Remains ill looking.. haha..
Throat got worst..as thou i swallowed a bit fishball..
Pain..
SOB..
Fever..
Runny nose..
In addition..
Puffy eyes..
Yeah!!
These suxs.

2009-09-12T23:36:00.000+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Sleeping day..
what a round of night shifts..
with all the weird experiences..
All the hallucinations and moanings..
Glad that it's over..

Love the night shift gang..
Yeah man..

I survived the 3rd night with paracet..
Super nua that night.. at least it worked..

Sianx.. to fall sick again.. argh!!
Pain ah!!

Met up with pretty boy.. haha..
It's been months or so man.. nvm still pretty..

It's wj's b'day dinner tml at sushi tei.. great place to hav sushi.. but quite ex..
Lunch at baby sitter's place.. yeah!!

Appetite still poor..been one month le.. still having the post meal nausea..
Horrible..
Oral intake poor.. hasn't drink much cos of the pain also..
Haix.. The body is in a mess..

Wanna get well soon..

2009-09-10T13:53:00.001+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

First night.. one fall..
I won't even consider it as a fall..
But there's a witness..which is another patient..
Patient denied. Best of all.. my pt. is laughing over the matter.. He finds it funny..
And when the night NC came.. he's like a super actor man.. suddenly dun feel like entertaining the night NC.. wahahaha.. No wonder we sayang him so much.. Best actor award.
If only i didn't went to the toilet..
Me n my junior damn sianx abt it..
As usual.. all the naggy and black face from the sisters.. Super sianx to the core.
Abt the RMS.. i realized i'm quite pro at it.. Hahaha..

Worst of all.. i found an error.. made over a day.. wonder wad other shift pple are doing with the IMR.. Sianx

Only had fries.. and my new fav. Milk Coffee..
Super no appetite.. and always feeling nausea..
What's going on man..
Gastic pain on n off..
The side effects of abnormal meal times over the years..

Best of all..
Tim/ Sam in perth are coming to singapore this weekend!!
Sis's frens.. who took care of us when we were there..
Yeah man!! Hope to see them soon too..

2009-09-07T23:30:00.000+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

A post filled with emo, anger and frustrations.

Mom's finally home after 4 days of hospitalization..
The D/C process was as usual.. slow!!
and gotten me pretty angry inside.
prescription was only out at 1pm. U kidding me?
And u refused to print another MC..why can't u tell me tad u're unwilling. Don't hav to wait for 2hours then tell me u don't want!!
It felt as thou it was a last min d/c for them.
-shake head- haix..

They've challenged her imepenem..
and she took it well.. yeah!
Hope the word hospitalization won't appear that soon..

She's not eating well..
losing quite a bit of weight..
can see the significant loss from her limbs..
Looking closely.. i realized how much she has aged over the years..
her skin.. the scars..the wrinkles..
hurts me so much..
esp the scar on her knee.. i won't forget how it ended up there. =(

It's back to work cm after two days of rest..
Rested enuff.. at least can keep my mind off work for a while..
I need some TLC too after giving it all away..
at least there's still yi bai wan where i find a little comfort.

I brought up the topic abt motorbike..
seems like i can't go for it.. 101% rejection.

I hate the feeling of being ignored..
I start to wonder again..abt the pple arnd me..
Distant dreamer..

Came across some ads..
national parks..
lomo cams..
vespa..
races..

These ads are real sinful man..

I realized how small the world is today..
Received a call from ext 4552..
for those who worked in sgh.. u know it's ward 45, B2 station..
So.. the expected call came.. blah blah blah..
Then.. i realized it's geri aka geraldine..
My tracker.. haha.. i even forgot she has grad from nyp. She's SN in-charge of my mom today..
Haha..
Then saw wy.. (i already knew he was there)
but still happy to see u guys again.
U know how i usually react when i see someone i know.. haha..
Then.. saw the cute pharmacist..
Then.. saw "ah beng" aka...the IT-pro guy..i don't even know his real name.. =X @ blk 4 lobby..
He's xj's friend.. then became my friend..
We were in the same cluster in sec sch NPCC days.. so we actually know each other b4 xj. HAHA. So we said Hi!

That's all..
So.. HI EVERYONE!!! Glad to see everyone again!

Then dinner with babysitter & husband..
Always felt happy when i'm out with uncle n auntie.. mayb those food made me happy.. and the feeling of being spoilt. haha..
Seeing them so lubby.. i also very happy.. at least better than those two at home.
They too.. aged alot..
Then i start to think abt the days i spend in their house.. running arnd.. looking at her cook, laundry..
Look at uncle mop floor, clean the fish tank.. comb his hair.. etc..
Thanks to them.. that i hav a portion of happy childhood apart from the disaster i had at home.

To my dear yuting..
I know u're gg thru some difficult situations now..
But what's new..there's always a solution.
It's going to go on and on.. till he stops..
Wadever it is..
I'm jus a call away.. the not very nice, "Varinice" kopitiam is nearby.. i can always bike down to hav a little chat..like how we used to..
Now u know why u i hate my dad.
It all ended up with the same word, _ _ _ _ _!
suxs.

Wished u were there..
it's going back to silence again?

2009-09-06T16:28:00.000+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -RAiny-*~|

Was reading newspapers.. and found a page filled with lomo cams..
Kaoz.. so nice.. and it's all the mini ones..

http://www.8storeytree.com/store/

Yellow ribbon run today.. and i was sleeping..
Tot the route is nice.. but i din sign up anyway..

Relax day..

2009-08-30T01:24:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

The day with High n Low moods..
Was in quite low mood for almost half of the day..
Only till evening then things got better..
Why Low:
Pple fly my plane..
Unable to meet up with pj n karen for cakes..
Unable to meet sis, mom n bro for dinner..
(There are times when u jus wanna be everywhere. - i'm greedy)
Being alone in the crowd, sitting by a corner reading my book.
No appetite.
Watched emo drama.

Why high:
Finally the everyone's here.
We shared..
Saw a few friends on the road..
Had a great time.

Afterall, All the good things can overcome the bad things.
At least it ended well.
Didn't have much.. Prob hungry till not hungry le. Food wasn't very tasty either.

Finally i've signed up for run for hope 09. Before the early bird ends.

Looking forward to cycling with dh on wednesday..

Not looking forward to work.. thinking abt the relatives.. i am damn sianx.
Thinking abt entertaining those FOC relatives who try to talk sense into me to allow them to come up during non visiting hours.. damn sianx.. waste my time.
Think they shld really continue to enforce the visiting hours even after H1N1.
Then when another outbreak comes.. No More visiting issues.
It's like HELLO!! Can u read? & we're all adults. Stop all these nonsense.

Having lots of pain lately..
Back pain came back.. really bad.
Gastric pain sets in.. the effect of not eating on time.
Strained my arm.. when lifting pt.

Nice to meet up with neo n Angel's family.
Happy to hear the good news.
I think i'll be quite stressed out abt the wedding. Gosh.
& Thanks to mel,jean, sebas for the encouragement.. made me felt everything was worthwhile. Cos i never knew i could create such impact.

Was thinking abt studying next year.. But shld i continue in nursing..
Or shld i go for something i wanted.

Then i start to think again..
WHAT DO I REALLY WANT?
Will it be what i want in the next 10years,20years etc.

People have been asking.. what do u want for ur 21st..
I really don't know..
Go for some short trip to neighbouring island.
Have some dinner with friends.
Something Simple will do.
There are things tad i wanted.. but they're things tad i dun need.. it's a want.
SO i dun wanna waste it.
There are things i want to do.. e.g. being like a tourist in singapore.
Somehow i felt i don't know singapore well enough.
I'll wait for the surprise if any.
For yt/xj who wanna buy a holga cam for me.. DON'T BUY! PLS! Cos i've made up my mind, Not to get it. Thou i know u guys know tad i've been eyeing on them for very long. I love my digicam now. (YT is the one who pi-jia-lobang this time)

Trust is not something tad comes naturally.
It's something u hav to build up.

2009-08-25T22:07:00.000+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

had a busy 3rd
Always liked the feeling of post night..
U get to sleep when most pple are working. Haha.

Went to mustafa with my satay..
I ended buying lots of non-related stuff. lol

It's nice to feel the sun..
Had a long walked home..

fell in love with the environment..

Going on a makan trip with mj tml.. yeah!
Food always makes me happy.

2009-08-21T23:28:00.000+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

I questioned myself.. what am i doing at work today.
Now tad i'm home..I'm not being "tsk" @ when i say.. Yeah!! No admissions.. and i am really damn free today.
Helped around as usual lor.
And clean here clean there. LOL

Visit mom today.. she looks good..
It's weird to see my grandaunt lying beside her..
Coincidence..Mom's admitted to 45, and my grandaunt too.. wad more.. side by side each other. Haha.. Mom can keep a look out for my restrained grandaunt. Ha!
At least i know both of them will be discharged very soon.

Night's starting..
yeah yeah yeah.. love nights sometimes..

Thanks magic school bus for the rides home.. (karen's bf)

I'm having lots of cravings man..

2009-08-19T22:40:00.000+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

A post of frustrations.
A day of cleaning and washing..
What's new man..

A bit sad.. one of my uniform got stained quite badly from dunno wad..
Can't wash tad big patch of stain off.. guess i hav to say goodbye to it..
The stain jus got me irritated..desperated to get it off but can't. Argh!!

Had runny nose.. it jus come..glad tad i've stock up my meds.
Clarinase works well. My fav.

Watched some dvds, ate some junk food..

Still feeling the sore/swelling feeling over my neck, throat, tongue.
What's new.. -.-

Still damn sianx..

Final destination movie coming up.. in 3D somemore.. I'm sure to gather some pple and catch this show man. MUST WATCH!!

It's thursday tml.. off..
Meeting my missy gang to celebrate my niang's(YY) b'day.
=)

Last but not least..
I really dun like the two men in the house.
Nuas.
Argh!

2009-08-18T21:45:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Finally one round of work ended..
It's off day cm.. can rest.
Do laundry etc.
If i could find someone to jus hang out..tad will be great.

Mom has a new toy..introduced by her physio.
It's called acapella. Quite cool..
She likes it. Helps her to get all those tough phlegm out.
The only thing is.. it's price. $90.
Can claim.. so wadever. Haha..
Think she can easily fill up the whole denture cup with her sputum + blood.
She calls it the half boiled eggs. Kaoz..

More medical students came to examine my mom.. as usual.. She always attracts the crowd. This time.. these students are same age as me. Ha! I think i looked younger.. one actually said i'm a student when i'm wearing my uniform. -.- almost fainted.
Felt that there shld be a limit to the number of students coming thou..
She kind of enjoys it.. -.-
For the future doctors to be.
But some times.. i wanna tell them..
she's my mom not a specimen.

2009-08-17T22:01:00.001+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

A day of training leave..
A day we felt so prepared for the admission.

I woke up in the morning to prepare for "work"
With my half opened eyes walking out..
Got a shock when i saw my mom squatting and packing her bag..
SO i asked.. where u going?
Hospital.. For wad? See doc.. Haix..
We had a fun trip to SGH.. she wearing mask..i wear uniform.. The public very scared. lol..

Managed to get her to A&E.. saw dr cheong.. he lost some weight..Din talked much.. as i was rushing to get her registered etc. Managed to meet up with suhana n farah At Blk4. But we missed the bus to connection one. sianx. So cab lor.. as usual.
Was a bit late for class.. At least we weren't the latest. Haha..

Survived thru the boring session by participating..
Now i know wad to expect in my appraisal.. muahahaha..

Came back.. attended another talk by MSW Gilbert.. nice one.. loved the sharing..
Went for a late lunch at housemen..hungry man.. double serving.
Then uniform "measurement" which i thought they shld change to uniform fitting.
We fit into the size. It's not taliored. As usual i complain to them abt their pants.. too short. -.-"

Didn't escape from ward duties.. left with one hour, helping arnd.. pack the prep room.. serve some med n help out with admissions.. much that i can do also.

Visited my mom.. at least i can see the blood clots instead of fresh blood in the sputum. Hope tml will be better..din receive any updates from the docs.
Bet they can't do much also.. jus observe lor..

Had dinner with sis n kat ah yi at the zhi char opp. sgh. Worked in sgh so long still haven eat there..
Tried the recommended san lau hor fun.. not too bad..
and the mongolian fried tauhu.. also very nice..
Ate a little.. wasn't in the mood. Slept thru the whole long bus journey home..tired.

Jus felt damn sianx.. want my off day to come man. Jus dun wanna escape from the ward setting jus for a while.

2009-08-15T00:04:00.004+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Have been reading the last lecture recently...
Think billions have read it..
Jus wanna read it after watching the video..
Sis bought for me..
She knew i wanted it.. so nice..
Super emo when reading the book..
Some personal feelings..
Prob it's the kind of book i like..
Reading others life..

Morning cm.. but i am still up..
Jus had my packed dinner.. I actually forgot i brought dinner to work..
Partial memory loss..

Gotten xiang xiang n the rest talking abt my forehead.. how "kok" it was..
Haix.. pple wan also dun hav man..

Meeting the trackers after work tml.
An outing for audi.. since he came back from aust.. hasn't really meet/talk to him..
Nice time to catch up..

Shld catch some sleep.. before i become grumpy..

2009-08-11T23:44:00.001+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -cloudy-*~|
After much quarrel abt measuring tape with dr wee and being junior n floater,
I'm off again after two days of work. Been quite draining some how.
being floater is no good cos U're flooded with 101 things to do. in the end u dun float.. U get drowned by help needed from juniors to in charge work. Gosh.
And I seriously hate to send pt. For procedure when I dunno the case. Felt insecured.
At least Mom's kiv d/c cm.
Sometimes I thought it would be better for her to stay there. Don't need to tahan someone's temper.

watched hangover with sis after spending sometime with mom. not a must watch movie. Have been watching a lot of movies lately man. And I am addicted. Haha.

It's isg cm. Hope things will go on fine. Jus wanna see everyone again. Cos I miss them.

Having pimples breakout suddenly. ouch.
The handrubs n hibisccrubs are eating into my skin man. It's peeling and painful. WTh .

can't get u out of my head.
Oh no!

2009-08-09T22:57:00.000+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Last day of AL..
Went to borders book fair.. bought nothing..
Then we received the comfirmation news..

We cycled down to sgh..
visit mom..
She looks better thou.
Isloated at W12..
Nv been to W11/12.. the settings quite nice thou.
Hav TV, own bathroom, of course a room to urself..

Saw the national flag n heli flew pass us when we were having porridge at padang.
Managed to catch a bit of fireworks..really a bit.
Everyone was like running after the fireworks..so singaporean.
We were at the wrong place. Got blocked by the buildings.
We got stuck in the jungle of buildings @ clarke quay with our bikes..
Crowded of course..
We were so happy to see roads.. Glad that the TP let us pass..
We cycled pass the padang. quite shiok.. cos all the other vehicles were stopped by the TP.

Hope eveything will be over soon..
Was it me?
Or someone else.

2009-08-08T23:17:00.001+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

What a day..
Made both me n my sis's blood boil.
I think we really hated CGH

At last mom receives her tx at SGH..
We all had a bad day.

Last day of AL tml..
It's national day..

Work's coming..

Jus uneventful.

2009-08-07T23:59:00.000+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Slept thru most of my day..
Plans all cancelled..
Damn sianx.

So i decided to pack my table
Cleared alot of rubbish..
Happened to come across some photos and cards etc..
Made me emo..
some made me laugh..
The memories..
I buried them deep within.

2 more days till end of AL..
Hello to work..
Hesitant abt work..
gosh..

Mom's infected by me.. her turn to hav fever.. of course her chronic cough.
why her.. haix..

Sis bought me a necklace from SK. So sweet of her.
It has been a while someone bought something like this for me.
Hope i am not allergic to it. (tad's y i only wear ear sticks.)

My plants are growing really well..
So happy..
Hope they'll hav the most beautiful flowers.

ISG's coming real soon.. seriously not prepared for it.
But jus go for it. Won't die one.
Hope my coughs get better soon. Or else i'll jus wheeze thru the race.

Not running for civil servants this year. Some communication prob.
there's always next year..

So many running events coming up..
Gotten me excited abt them..
As thou i am joining all of them..

National Day coming..
It shld be same as every year..
the only difference is.. I am not working.
If only i could see the fireworks @ marina..
It will be nice..

If only......

2009-08-05T18:50:00.001+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -cloudy-*~|

Ring RIng..
Hello..
Zhao Yuan ah.. ur fav pt. passed away....in transit ward.
Who?
MR R..
!!!
Been a while since we last saw him. Been at least 8 months.
We wean him off trachy, freka..
Visited him during my leave.
We shared.
The late nights he couldn't sleep..
Seeing him doing his exercises along the corridor.
Used to disturb him by doing it with him. The squads..haha.
The way he try to laugh.. the squeek sound from trachy.
He's self caring.. sleeps like a baby.. curled up in his blanket.
Always wanted to share food with him. But he can't eat.
He's innovative to use our pyjamas plastic n his empty tissue box as his rubbish bin.
he ended up collecting our pyjamas plastic bag.
He believed in the god he trusted and hav faith in.
At least beautiful memories of him is left.

Cancer didn't have mercy on him or rather anyone else.
Hope his last days were fulfiling and painfree.

Will always remember u.. Mr R.
The days i used to blog about u..

Thanks twiny for telling me.
U're indeed the most informed person about else death.
Somehow.. u hav ur ways.

Goodbye Mr R.

2009-08-05T14:16:00.000+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Cloudy-*~|

Another better day..
More energetic.
D3 of feeling sick.
Finally i comfirm i'm afebrile.
Didn't sleep the whole night.
Was having left sided muscle spasm which i can control.
so i woke up n drank lots of water. But it didn't stop.
Got out of bed at 6.30am.. went to toilet n BO. Alot man.
At least i felt better after that.. and slept till 12pm.
Appetite still not coming back thou.
Mom bought my fav chee cheong fun..with soya sauce. the only thing i will not reject when i am sick. mom roxs.
Thinking abt those hallucinations i saw for the past few days.. kind of scary thou.. at least they're not appearing anymore. and no one's hurt.

The moment of truth.. i'm glad tad the circle is finally completely drawn.
I've already drawn mine long time ago.. jus waiting for ur final stroke.
I don't feel emo or bad.. i've already made up my mind at the very start of it.
Don't worry k. I am really ok. Trust me. Trust the nurse. haha

I am addicted to wondergirls man..
Even have thoughts of getting my group of friends to dance together n record it down.. IT's going to real funny la.

I am feeling sianx cos i am sick during my AL..
and this is not the first time.. It's always like that.
Super sianx+++++
If only i can ride bike arnd.. go running when-ever where-ever.
I jus can't sit still.

Was thinking back..
because of u.. i missed out fun, track training, track gathering, forgo lots of things..
my eating habits changed.. i used to love chilli.. now i dun even eat them cos u're allergic to it. The little things which i dun wanna bring them along is still stuck with me.

Waiting for dad to leave hse..den i can go some laundry. Can't escape. Still hav to do.

Things change
People change
I change
like girls.

Special thanks to
dh for being "there" giving advise.
pj for being my consultant.
jm for being slow. haha
wy for ur concern.
Mel for being so like a big sister
Jiejie for sending me to DEM but we hav a deal.
Bro for being my part time maid n chef
Mom for being so bumble bee.
xj for lending ur helping hand but i think u shld stay home.
bryan for telling me tad everyone's not sick. Which i was worried abt.
Yi bai wan for being my best comforter.
n etc.

Glad tad my plants are growing well. One step at a time. thou there're only 2 leaves.
Looking forward to the day they bloom.
Esp the sunflower.

2009-08-04T22:36:00.001+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Being sick during ur AL is no joke man. U jus feel damn sianx abt it.
Had the worst fever ever. The fever that never goes below 38.5. Always in 39 range. Kill me man.. i can feel tad my brain cells are calling for help.. the terrible headache for 2 days.
Glad that i managed to cough out the deadly phlegm and then no more fever..
Yeah yeah.. Still feeling weak thou.. i believe tml will be better.
Thanks for dh's prayers and all the well wishes from my darlings..

I'm getting well finally.
Gotten everyone worried.
Hope pj get well soon too..
Unfortunately.. i lost weight. haix.

Watched sayang sayang on channel 5.. Nice show. i like. =)

Wanna get well n resume my activities.

2009-08-02T21:28:00.000+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Last day before AL..
Assigned to female room.. only got 3 patients.. haha.
But enough to kill.
One gaga.. play spiderman, superman, batman and david copperfield with me.
She not tired i very tired man

Then the other one quite ill.. jus sponge only.. den vomit like merlion. We damn sianx.
It's like double job.
Sponge those two patients twice in the morning man.

went running at macritchie after work.
Ran the treetop route as the MR25 pple having time trail at the boy/girl's route. dun wanna chap in.. or see some of the familiar faces.
Enjoyed my run.. i knew i shldn't go.. as i wasn't feeling quite well.. and the route is bad for my knee.. but I still went.
Glad tad i went.. it's nice. It's all newly renovated. Cool man. Now can shower after run. I like.

Had a quick meal with woody. den went home le.
Wanted to buy difflam.. but the guardian cashier said.. no pharmacist arnd.. can't dispense medicine. i almost fainted. Will prob need my difflam tml onward.
Tmax only 37.5. Feeling lethargic, bony aches, heavy, throat damn uncomfortable like something stuck, chest pain.
Jus damn unwell.. hate it cos it's AL.. sianx..
Hope will get better after a night's rest.

walking zombie.
wanted some comfort too.
I hav to TLC myself.

2009-08-01T23:34:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Happy Nurses' Day..
Thanks for the well wishes.
Thanks every on shift today.. we had fun indeed.
Thanks francis for the mac treat to everyone.

There was nothing..
They kept thinking there was something
I still think it will end up to nothing
Bcos i've lost hope many years ago.
Hopeless.

2009-08-01T01:49:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

3 days off filled with fun n excitment.
Met up with sec sch gang.. hang out n chill.
Nice to see each n everyone of them.
Finally managed to see ing again before she leaves for US..again.

Wii gaming @ games heaven at clark quay there.
Very nice place.
Yuting's supposed to come..
Thanks for the free 4 hours session. we had fun. If only u're here.

Too tired now..
got to rest.. and it's back to work for 2 days.
Looking forward to AL.

2009-07-29T23:59:00.000+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

The problem with sleeping day..
Post night.. but can't sleep when everyone's sleeping.

Date with pj for movie n jalan jalan..
WAtched the haunting of connecticut.
We sat the couple seat.. spacious.. nice.. but we are the two very bright bulbs. haha
Girls in the theater cover here cover there..
Pj kept scolding bad word..
I kept squeezing my milk tea bottle..
Great show. Great company.. great experience.. plus it's a deal.

Went to the shop at Cineleisure, More than words.. the place where i bought yi bai wan last christmas.
It's a must go whenever i go cine.. check if there're new stocks.
Didn't find any for many many months..
Today.. I found the other bai wans i bought in taiwan and One more new version.
Qi Bai Wan was born today..29/7/09
Yeah..

We explored Orchard Ion.. the new thing in town. Fascinated by how the whole underground structure was build. Everything there's enlighten my senses. Not bad.
We stepped into the haviannas shop..thought i'll see some hunks.. but there isn't.. when i step out.. then i realized it's not by NUM. haha.. So used to relating haviannas with NUM. EEeeEee

Bought a top from ion's zara.. and tempt pj to buy a top too. Think i am a good salesgirl. haha..
Bumped into cheun leong there. It has been like 5 yrs since i last saw him in NDP 2003. When we were sec 3, participating in the parade. Cool man.

Had dinner at soup spoon.. serving was too big.. couldn't finish.. wasted man.
The soup so nice. perhaps it's the body clock..Not hungry yet but mus eat something.

Glad that i'm off for 3 days..
Can exercise.. need to lose some weight.. looks like it's going up again. haha..

Will check out xiao jing teng's new album soon.. oh man.. his voice.

Looking forward to friday's gathering with sec sch peeps. =)

Once started, it's hard not to think about it.
U can use ur mind to control ur body..
But use wad to control my mind?

2009-07-28T17:53:00.000+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -sunny-*~|

Last night..

Couldn't sleep well during the day..
My neighbour's drilling the walls..
My parents seeing house agents..
Noisy
And i always automatic wake up at 2pm.

Had a bad night ytd.
1 Fall, 1 SOB, 2 admissions, 1 non compliant to Fall Precaution.
Freaking me out man.
Glad tad Dr Priscilla was arnd most of the time.. Preclerking admissions.. made work alot faster.

Hope tonight will be better..
Pray hard for no falls, no admissions.. no FON..
and good on call doctors.

Looking forward to my 3 days off.
Thinking what to do..
As usual.. some sports.

was shocked when u came last night.
what a stupid reason: "I came to the wrong ward"
Dots.

2009-07-26T01:09:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

What a wonderful Saturday.. It was all bright again..
Work's great.. everything went smoothly..
Filled with the common feeling..
Watched a great show.. sadist but nice.. thou i was frightened.
Thanks to woody n mel.. for the evening..
Felt blessed by angel.

Felt angel was near me.. guess i really missed my angel..

Night shift coming.. Pj doing night too.. yeah!!
As usual.. parkway food shopping b4 night shift. Got to pack our suppers..

Give thanks!

The day she was cremated.
The Day my plant kind of died.

2009-07-24T21:15:00.004+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

my plant grew taller.. 10cm now..

Another enjoyable day..
Felt great like as before when the whole gang was together..The days at A side..

These two days were filled with pj, karen n suhana.. went for break together.. go home together.. go out after work to eat..
we have 101 things to share abt.. or rather gossip abt.. haha..
Laughed alot alot alot..
Back to the crazy and lame self.. haha
Thanks guys.. u've made my day.
Thanks pj for dropping by B2 so often..
U're so near to us now..
It's like a morale boost..
Other than all the nonsense u shared with dr winson.

Went to marina sq after work with my gang.. after debating for half an hour or so on where to go for a meal.. -.-
In consideration of me n pj in uniforms.
I tried the tenderloin steak at swensen's..new in their menu..
Not too bad.. but of course jack's place one will be better.
Of course we had earthquake. - karen's crave.

ZY will sleep early tonight..
Feeling tired.. after all the massive laughter..
Hope will be able to meet mr angel's dg n friends tml after work..

"She's making me hate her more.
It's so diff. to get an appt. as thou i owe her a million dollars.
I am already very polite but each time u used that tone to reply me. It really turns me off.
If i hav the password,
i'll jus do everything on my own.
Gosh. Bth.
What's ur prob man?
isn't that your job?
Or u hav 365 days PMS?
What's with tad attitude?
We print our own stickers, trace notes, do BMS, get our own forms, eporter etc.
The only two things i asked u to do is to get the TCUs and desp blue letters.
Is it too demanding?"

2009-07-23T23:22:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

It's a guide day again..
I think i really can't guide someone..
Jus not comfortable..
I become more kan cheong than the in-charge. Scared things are not done..
And pple start charging at u instead.
Oh well.. tml will be a better day.. =)

It's nice to hav pj n karen on the same shift.. felt like the days at A side..
can't believe till now i still can't remember B2's fax number..
But A side's fax number is stuck in my mind.

Had lunch together b4 work..
Went for break together..
Ended work together..
Go home together..
So nice..
Tml same shift together again.. yeah yeah..

One of the cans i bought in taiwan has a sprout!!! it's growing..
I remembered i didn't see anything when i left hse..
When i'm back, there's a 3cm sprout.
Cool man.. looking forward to development plant. I'm so happy..
Hope i dun kill it.

It's morning shift tml..
Time for bed..
Been a while since i last woke up so early.. hope i dun cab..save $$

decided to go for standard chartard marathon, civil servant run, nyp's ISG.
Don't care liao.. when something happens then see how..

2009-07-23T01:46:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -sunny-*~|

the day i got fed with relatives..
as usual i didn't utter a word.
I'm enclosed.. behind the doors.. ha!

i'm shocked that she as a teacher said those things to me.
I don't blame her.. but the disease.
But those pple jus can't be forgiven..
jus wanna eat u up.

Went for my grandaunt's wake in the middle of the night..
seeing her for the last time..
The make up was pretty..
Can't help myself..
I'm sure she'll be better in the other world..
cremation on saturday.. and i am working..
haix..
felt exactly the same thing when i attended my granddad's wake in pri 6.. the day he was cremated.. i cried during silent reading in school..

Meeting pj n karen for lunch at bugis tml..
=)

got to catch some sleep now.. tired.

2009-07-21T12:11:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Still having difficulty sleeping..
Listened to my yi nan wang on my mp3, toss n turn.. bet sis didn't sleep well cos of me too..
The day i Felt lost again when i woke up..

Woke up by sms-es from pj n neowy..
it seems like the heat is strong man..
Round 1 Fight! haha..

In the end i jus tune back to my oldies n fall back to sleep for a while.
The day Pj n Jm went back to work aft AL..
Wonder how's pj doing in central..
The A side gang is seperated.. but at least we're closer to each other now.. and prob we'll reunite!!
Now niang n jm got pj..
and i hav mich n karen.. yeah yeah..

The day i opened the canned seeds and started their journey
Bought 3 cans of seeds in Taiwan to grow. Liked the idea of miniature..
Hope i can make it grow.. hopefully..at least one i also happy.

The day grandaunt passed away..
Is it tad's why i saw the insect in my hse..
Rest In Peace..
Away from the hard life..and constant struggle.
To a better place..
An end to this life and a beginning of other life..

The day i tried the kose product
The free sample from tawiwan.
Not too bad..

The day i played oldies loud and had a mini sing-a-long with mom.
Bet my neighbours can't hav their meal in peace.
Still trying my best to catch the lyrics..

The day i went back to NYP for run..
with sabrina and hopefully can see huiqin..
The always busy huiqin..

The last day of my Annual Leave..

dread to go back to work..

Don't make me hate u.
Don't want to go thru the whole cycle again.
The great sadness of 2 yrs made an impact.
Probably when there's no start then there won't be an end.
Don't expect then i won't be disappointed.

Will not start unless i am confident.
It takes two hands to clap; u see?

Run, cycle, eat, sleep.

2009-07-21T01:00:00.004+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Heyhey.. been a while.. jus simply lazy and recovering from abnormal sleeping patterns..
And more emo posts.. haha..

Taiwan trip with jiaming (twiny) & peijie (satay)
Memorable.. enjoyed every single bit of it.
U guys can really shop man..
Jm can really shit..and get drunk..
Pj can really blend into the taiwan society..
Got ourselves addicted to fermented toufu.. it's a mus hav everyday.
Found more Bai Wan family.. =)
Experienced real earthquake.. got me awake the whole night and nightmares every night..
My first trip with friends.. felt esp. special cos it's my 21st yr..
Thou there are many more things i wanted to complete this 21st..
I'll try to.. Not planning for any special birthday celebration so i'll jus keep it low and spend the whole year well.. doing the things i like and accomplish the tasks i set..

Met up with derek, XYZ, jinghao, sue and more this AL..
Movies, chat over meals.. happy to see u guys again..

Thing's hav been going up up and down down recently.. felt so loved by those arnd me..
being there when i most needed.. lending me ur shoulders..
There are times when i can't control myself.. (felt more human then)
Always remembered what my pri sch teacher told me.. "zhaoyuan.. you hav to be strong"
yeah.. i will be stronger at each phase of life.. parts of growing up..

Lots of running events coming up.. desperate to join all of them..
hope my knees allow me to do so.. saying "jiayou jiayou jiayou" to myself.. haha.. not many say tad to me.. cos most of the time i say that to others..

Standard chartard marathon >> i wished..

Gg back to work this wed.. Pm Pm Am Am Nd Nd Nd then Off 3 days then Pm Am then AL again.. So shiok right.. haha
Thinking of going to malaysia for snorkle if i can get pple.. a short trip.. to conquer my fear.

Bad news.. she's old.. admitted in TTSH..again.. has multiple medical problems.. prob will not survive this time..The last time i saw her was CNY.. hugged her.. heartache.. wheelchair-bound..a little unclear.. in daze..
I felt fortunate.. at least i've spend quality time with her during the days when she could still walk and cook.. eating the food she cooked.. her signature dish - curry chicken.. also my fav.
ingredients strictly from tekka market.
She led a hard life.. family issues we all knew..
Jus hope tad she'll leave peacefully..

In the deep scandal gossip each time i go out with my colleagues.. BTH.. everyday sure kena tease by u guys..
Keeping quiet will be the best medicine to stop all these..

Life goes on man..

in much agony.
oldies love.

wondering who's the 'dr' in my tagboard..
not difficult to guess..
cos i dun talk to many of them..

2009-07-05T20:51:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Cloudy-*~|

No matter how much i try to cheer myself up with
Dancing queen, dun feel like dancing, beautiful sunday..
It didn't work..i dragged myself back home in the rain..

It's Hair for hope today at novena..

Suppressing our emotions is one of the key things we hav to learn in ward.
Not to be too engaged with our patients..
I've tried. Perhaps for nursing him for months.. since the very first day he came in..
It has been long since i last felt so much for a patient. Very long.. tot i've lost the sense of "great sadness"

He has really touched many of us with his smile.. his words..and his family bonding.
I wanna thank him once again for all that he has taught me.
Seeing him more comfortable now is a relief..
We jus hav to prepare for his inevitable demise.
All i can do is to explain to her..hope things will go on smoothly.
No wonder i hav those strong feelings last night.
Till i see him this morning.
U'll be missed.. and remembered always as my Mr angel..
thanks neowy for coming down..

Clinical teaching's coming..
Taiwan trip's coming..
Feel like going arnd in sin b4 going over for tour.. need the sun n wind to wake up..

angel day

2009-07-04T20:44:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Must not think too much.. one step at a time..
Don't wanna get back into the vicious cycle again..

Taiwan trip is coming... gosh.. i am anxious abt the trip.
Something's keeping me back.
Worried abt something.. but i don't know what.

2009-07-02T16:54:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Cloudy-*~|

It's sleeping day.. post night..
Why is it called sleeping day?
bcos it's a day to sleep..
But most of us will prob spend out day out as thou out from prison..
Doing the things we enjoy rather than sleeping at home..
It's amazing how we felt esp @ end of 3rd night. Super energetic!!

Came home late this morning..
Held up at work..
Hearing Ms Peggy teach the morning staffs maths.. haha
It's always the problem with fentanyl dilution..
Scribbles on the whiteboard.. and the very "teacher" voice.. made me smile some how..
Was busy closing my reports.. behind time.. as the sleeping beauty has woken up at 5am and bothered me non stop. argh!!
At least everything's done by 8.15am..
Glad tad i dun hav to do RMS for the other ward..it's the transfer in case
Can't believe the staff there actually served MST for B'thru pain 4hrly. - feel dumb la.
And i hate to argue with patients abt the mist morphine n tablet. He doubted me.
I jus refused to give the MST.. It's like either u take this mist morphine or u tahan ur pain till morning. Makes my blood boil..
My record of taking 7 tubes of blood from one patient.. and at the end of it.. still not enuff. Shit..short of one EDTA tube. suxs..
Felt appreciated when he said thank u.

Tot i'll lose him last night..unrecordable BP+Spo2. Called the family in..
but after running 2 pints of gelofundin.. BP came back..
Phew.. and everything's back to normal..
What will happen if nothing was done?
THe one next to him played with secretions.. damn funny la..
Suctioned him n he's back to sleep again..
Nursing 4 big babies is not easy.. they're unable to tell u their needs..
We can only check everything from head to toe.. to make sure they're comfortable..

Didn't have time to prepare my case study.. so hav to go back on one of the off days.. prob tml to prepare my clinical teaching materials.. sianx.. But at least can visit Mr Angel..

A little surprised by what Mr Angel told me last night.. abt one of them.. Haix.. relieved that nothing happend.. so i attended to his needs personally..
SOB again.. fentanyl's not working for him..
Jus hope to find a better way to ease his SOB..

Little boy can't sleep.. worrying abt the outcome of the procedure.. anxious++
No matter what i say it wont help.. cos i can't control ur mind..from thinking abt the worst case scenario..
At his age.. does he really know what this disease is doing to his body.
As he shared.. he teared.. i can sense his "great sadness" inside him.
much i can do.. other than explaining to him how this procedure will be.. a little pat.. ZY's formula of warm milo.. hopefully he'll sleep well.
Worried abt the procedure cm.. worried abt the coming day.. worried abt the uncertainty in next phase of life..
O levels this year.. missing out in school.. Parents busy with work..
how can this boy cope..
Everyone in the room can be his granddad le.. if only there's someone of the similar age.. of the same situation.. talk to him..

Do we create our future or
it's all planned out by the supreme being?
Happy to see him again b4 work.

2009-06-30T15:31:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

It's my 2nd night tonight..
Missed doing night shifts..

Sis went cycling with debbie..
Sad.. i can't go..
Sis brought home her new bike.. shit.. damn chio..and light..
Then she went shopping for helmet n gloves with dan.
Missed out the fun..

However nowadays i can't really sleep in the day..
So ended very tired around 4am..
Kept reminding myself to be extra careful.. check again n again..

Assigned to be in the confusing room..
out of 10, 6 are confused..
Then last night admit one.. also confused. steady la..
Hearing groanings.. facing restless patients.. restainers as i dun hav a choice. Stopping them from pulling out all the lines.. seeing traces of blood stained pyjamas..
Purging midazolam, fentanyl, morphine..
Topping up the continuous infusions..
4 hrly blood glucose monitoring..
Medications at 12am, 2am, 4am, 6am..
6am - go arnd like vampire to take blood..
all these kept my night busy..
Interesting patients i have..

Had breakfast at tiong bahru macs with pj, mich and shirley..
Nice to hav breakfast with them esp after night shift..
We tend to be a little cranky when the sun rise..
Without them.. i sure go home sian sian.. and den sleep..
Thanks guys for being there.. =)
Love u pj satay n michy..

too bad my twiny jiaming had to work morning shift. haha..

They've replaced the old faded paintings along the corridors to brightly coloured photo shots. of kids, people, plants, things.. very nice.. i like.. kind of brighten up the whole feeling of coming to work.. hope my patients feel tad way to..
Those photos stands out cos it's new in the old environment.. whereby it's surrounding are dull.. very dull.. -.-
It feels like a little exhibition walkway..
At last i find SGh has done something right. ha!

It's 30th june liao.. meaning it's end of the month..
Goodbye to our very best Dr neo..
Thanks for helping out so much..and all the late nights (for like the whole month)
U've become "xian" already.. no need to eat, sleep, pee, shit. haha..
Putting patients in front of us.. is doing harm to ourselves in long run. At least u dun hav to "suffer" the "no day no night" syndrome in 48 already..
As what most of us will feel.. being attached to 48 is a emotionally involved experience..
Seeing patients at their end of life..
Seeing patients come in for chemo.. telling u how hopeful they are..
For chemo / radiotherapy to ease their suffering..
No matter what challenges we face.. these patients are the strongest warrior i've ever seen.
They're my teachers in life.

Last but not least..
Happy Birthday in advance in DH..
My best sharing friend..

contented.

2009-06-25T00:51:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Rainy-*~|

Gloomy day..
But day at work remains busy n fun..
Another day as IV nurse.

Mr angel bought food for us again..
Heard tad many hated him.. call bells..
But it's his needs ma.. can't be help when he needed assistance..

Felt hypo at 3pm.. shivering.. cold..
Had 2 chicken pies n a cup of concentrated milo.. then felt better after an hour..
Shld hav taken my blood sugar level n see how low it went..
Glad tad i didn't prick myself..

THe day ended with lots of IVs.. n priming burettes.. do until finger pain..

Where got IV nurse dun go for break one.. Only supposed to assist in IV.. dun hav to do everything ma..
But i jus can't put down n go for break.. So many IVs.. how are the In-charge going to handle..
But glad hat LuLing bought dinner for me.. I can't go down also.. holding CD.. and they need alot of CDs.. oxynorm, oxycontin, morphine SR.. etc.. our stocks are depleting soon..

Always felt great when u walked down with me.. Better than walking up and down mount outram alone.. dreads..
Was reminded that it's coming to end of month..
haix... so fast..

jus wanna run again.

2009-06-23T22:49:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

The day i spend my off day with my sis.. as usual.. haha..
Decided to go for kayaking..
So we went ahead..
As we dun hav 3 pple.. so we can't go out to sea..
Then we were thinking which reservoir shld be go..
So we went to jurong lake.. it's indeed a really boring place.. +++
Met familiar face.. got a deal + promo price..
Sis rented hers for free n i paid $5 and renew my membership for $40..
So we can go out to sea next time..
After checking the system.. realized.. it has been a while since i last kayak..
Gotten my 2 star in like.. 2003?? haha.. rusty liao..
Looking forward to the sea venture..

But we had fun..
thou jurong lake was really boring..
thanks sis..

A choice between movie n dinner..

Of course i choose dinner.. stomach more important.
Can always go for movie next tues @ $6 @ GV.

And dinner at jack's place.. =)
starting to tolerate steaks.. at least i dun puke n i enjoy them. =)
nice nice..
Sis paid for dinner..
And i paid for cab..
Supposed to tighten our belts.. but jus for a great off day together.. spend a bit more also can la.

Saw Ms teng on train..
still the same.. pretty.. and young.. she din change much since sec sch..
Still teaching in chung cheng..
The only qn in my mind is.. how old is she man.?

I'm loving it.. =D

2009-06-22T21:21:00.004+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Wah Seh!! It's like finally..
After 10 days of work.
It's my off day..
Thou it's jus one day.. but i think guess it's good enough..
I need the rest..

Hope my knees will recover soon..
Can't do without them..
Press press.. pain pain @ lateral aspect..
Haix..
Glad tad walking still not very affected..
Feel the pain when sit too long or stand too long.
Felt like an old lady.

I wanna run again..

Glad to know u this month.

The day i felt so suay..
Being IV nurse is tiring esp in the morning.
Busy give IV till 9 plus 10am.. then hav to take blood n set plug like vampire..
BY then 11 plus.. den Do pre lunch hypocount..
Serve diet..
In between send cases for procedures.. etc.. worst than Being in charge some times..

The suay event was.. i left my wallet at ward.. and i only realized it only @ the MRT.. stupid.
I guess it's the combo attack of the NR0520 "Best Friend" curse.
Seeing one of the sisters in the morning b4 work.. and then the other end of work.. so scary la..
They treat like i am transparent.. but i guess i'll do the same too..
Bet my classmates will know who i am refering to.. lol. best friends..
Some more izah say very long didn't see them.. Then.. hit jackpot. lol

2009-06-19T23:51:00.001+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -sunny-*~|

Work has been filled with happy events..
And hearty packed dinner by mom..
Mom's love.

Patients not FON..
Family not FON..
Call Bells not FON..
Best of all.. i hav time to talk n sayang my pts.
End shift on time.
Perfect.

3 more days to off day..
So far so good..
Jus love afternoon shifts..

Give thanks to my colleagues n patients!

2009-06-13T23:25:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Cloudy-*~|

Great pple working today..
Thou it's weekend.. dread to work some times..
But still felt great abt today..

IV nurse..
Help arnd.. count equipment.. glad tad mich took over the assignment.. or else i sure die counting.. teromos.. O2 flow meter.. etc..
So i help to clean those machines.. unscrew n clean..
Realized how dirty are they.. gosh..

Send DIL.. spend 2hours with HO3 from dialysis to Angio and back to ward.
Glad tad i brought O2 down.. and ambu bag..

Was telling michele and the rest over dinner..
Why our work life so suxs..
Rush to work.. rush @ work.. rush over meal.. rush to go home.. rush to catch some sleep..
and the cycle goes on and on.. Shit!

Alright..
Sleeping time.. tml's morning..
The cycle goes on..

Thanks to the angel uncle who gave me food again.
Cottage pies from pasir ris.. nice.. =)

Jus like a pill

2009-06-10T21:58:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Isolation.. MRSA....
Wounds and more wounds..
Hate wounds some times when it's at sensitive area which are difficult to dress.

Sleep early..
TML afternoon shift. then friday off..
Yeah!! Can't wait to meet mj for makan.

Realized my motivation to work everyday is my patients and the team..
Some pt. who recognise u.. rmb ur name.. knows ur shift.. greet each other..etc. Nice.
Hope "uncle" will get his be less SOB. Sending him to procedures after procedures... talking to him.. holding his hands. always greets me with a smile.. calls me angel.. as thou it's my english name.
Then the indian MO start calling me tad too. Shit.. Still dun understand the indian MO and he still dun understand what i say. haha..Thou frustrating.. but we end up laughing at each other's slang. haha...

101 things to complain about work..behind the closed doors.
We all know it inside when u pass over to some pple u hate to work with.

2009-06-09T21:50:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

The day of active resus..
The day we used two E trolley..
The day i dropped the oxygen tank.. Pple tot it will explode.
The day i got fed up witht he porter..
The day i felt weak..
The day he passed away..
The day all of us went off late..
The day i felt the world stopped moving..
The day i cried for him.

The last time i felt this way for my patient was 4 years ago.
Probably we hav the attached feeling.. when he's our frequent chemo flyer.
Sigh~

2009-06-08T11:01:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Was thinking back about weekends..

Some times i think i don't know u.
Some how..

IT's monday..
So it's back to work.. and feeling sianx.

Having a bit of conflict..
MY leave to taiwan n kelong trip..
Trying to figure out.

Hope friday will come soon.
Plan: to meet mj for makan session in the bukit timah. =)

is it mutual?

2009-06-06T12:52:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Finally my weekends are here.. what are weekends when u work like there are no weekends & public holidays..
Everyday is like normal day to us..
Except the crowd in the train stations..
The visitors at ward.
The special assignments we hav to do during weekends..

This weekend is different..
Bcos.. i hav both my sat n sun off.. yeah!
It's manru's 21st birthday.. & we're meeting up.. the whole group of us..
Izah..mj..afida..izad.. and best of all leow..
It has been a while since grad we all get to meet up altogether once again.
Bet we hav lots to catch up about missy-ing, study-ing, business-ing..

Meeting up with derek.. for more sharing and crapping abt work.. tad's wad life shld be.

My best butt.. showing me the new bike.. upgrade from bicycle to motorbike. Liscense to ride on road.
If only i hav mine la..
sad tad "wheeler" will be kept one side of the hse.
My "giant" shld be happy tad it's my one n only. haha..

for jus saturday.. i am full.

Then sunday..
More time to slack.. need to hav some time for myself..
And meet up with mich. As wad we always say..
Nurses' timing very weird.. NUS students very difficult to date. haha..
Since poly year2 till now.. tad's how long we haven met each other..
Promised no more crazy shopping from u. it's like scary la..

Prob end my sunday with east coast park.. a good biking along the coast line or a slow run along the safra area will be nice too..
Shall see how it goes.

Love u guys..

It will be better if i could meet up with besties..
But it's boyfriend day n family day..
What about besties day? =(

Planning to go back to nyp next week for grassy-run with huiqin..

Get along with life.

But when monday starts,
Work will control my life
more than
I control my life.

2009-06-02T00:06:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Struggled to work today.. walked as thou there was a pillow between my legs.
Knees can't bend properly.. pain.
Laughing became painful..
Sitting down..
walking the stairs also became painful.

Hope it will be better..

Assigned to "deadly" room..All so ill..
shit.
Tml check resus some more.. worst..
Jinx jinx.. hope i dun pack..
Families dying for updates. scary..
Cohort all the MRSA cases.. made me blurr.

Morning shifts for the whole week.. looking forward to this weekend.. =)

Yesterday..
all my trouble seems so far away..

2009-05-31T16:00:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -sunny-*~|

Adidas Sundown Marathon 2009..
42km - completed.

My 21st year achievement.. completed a marathon.. one down.. haha.
Glad tad i survived..
Disappointed tad i got the wrong sizing finisher tee.. either they give me wrongly or it's me.
I've gotten the male one. sianx. hip hop..
Glad tad i finished it earlier than i tot..
Was looking for the pacer.. finally managed to find her at ecp..
She's cute man.. haha.. She wore the rabbit ears hair band.
The whole run was interesting..
Making sure the 6h pacer dun pass me.
Ran thru the whole 42 without stopping other than drinking water..
Ran pass yuting's hse.. yikai's hse.. debbie's hse..
as thou the whole cycling route i always took.
Glad that they supplied powergel on the way.. for the first time i liked it. ha!
I always hated powergel.. but who cares when u're in fatigue.
Saw jess chiang on the way.. guess she's one of the many "cheer leaders"
Soon i realized i hav pass the female group.. and entered the male group..
As i saw the weird running posture after 30km among the guys.
Bad abrasion they hav i guess. lol..
Along the way.. when ever there's a fence or pole.. u'll see many stretching.
Lucky me.. no stitch.. not much pain other than my knees. Slow n steady.. the run was over.
Completed 21km in 2.22h. The next 21km was really mind over body..
The last 30km was disaster.
As usual.. what i always wished..
to see someone, my friends/family there when i end.
No one.
Slowly made my way to the indian temple and waited for my dad. ZZzZZ

Thanks derek for the ride to changi. glad tad u had a good run.
Thanks for all well wishes.

2009-05-29T19:54:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Retrospective entry

It's my patient's birthday today..
He has been with us for a while
Thought he's supposed to hav his cope loop inserted and go home..
Seems like it took longer than i expected.

Everyone wished him Happy Birthday today..
Sister actually wanted me to sing happy birthday to him.
=.=
But i wished him happy birthday first thing in the morning.
Reading the entries from the doctors and palliative team..
Felt like as thou i am reading a journal of my pt. - The last days of life..

Took CT18 for the first time.. tot it will be fast.. realized it's not fast and it's last stop is quite a walking distance from home..
So i walked home.. took me 20 min. sianx..

Suddenly.. tot of my patient again..
What's the feeling of birthday when u know u're one day nearer to death?
Really hope he can go home than KWSH or Assisi..
haix...................

It's Dr Zhang's last week in W48.. another nice Doc leaving..

It's Sundown tml le..managed to get my roster right.. lucky.
Hope things will be well.

HAppy belated birthday to kenneth..went to chalet ytd.. supposed to hav bbq.. but it's too late to prepare.. so we had KFC.. haha
Then the cake smashing run.. Glad tad the girls get clean.
Cab home with tings and ah beng. =)

Ok.. i am tired liao.. got to get my rest.. sleep early.. pack pack a bit.. hopefully things will go well tml.

a happy birthday?

2009-05-25T15:57:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -sunny-*~|

Read xj's Lj..about her birthday..
Glad that u enjoyed the entire journey.
9 years and still counting..
SO fast year after year..
Not going to the same sch.. had a different job... missing the weekends and holidays.
I guess i've missed alot too..due to my busy schedule since i joined nyp..
i shld say it's better now.. than the days in nyp.
Love bestfriends. for being there when i needed..
=)

You yi zhong cong dong.. do grab my bike and go for a ride.. to feel the evening sun and breeze.

2009-05-25T00:49:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -sunny-*~|

Jinx vs illness vs season..

Every shift sure got someone to pack.
And it's always some one i touched.
Shit.

Heard stories from sis about 58..
confused patients..
Trying to strangle himself with call bell..
RMS or not?
But pt is confused wad..
Dunno what's the verdict yet.. arguement in progress.

Collected race pack today.. nothing special.
Like the race tag..
The drug allergy column reminds me of the goldfish eyes and SOB experience.
Horrible.
Looking forward to the race.

Finally it's my off day tml..
Jus in time.. i need the rest.

I made my patient apologies for being rude to us.
In a nice way.. made him realize we're here to help and not to kill u.
At the time when i am tired and hungry, shaking and wanna get job done..
Lifting a medium size man is so difficult la. plus the naggy voice from the wife. BTH
At least we managed to get the job done.
And save our picture of incapability.
5 nurses to lift that man who kept shouting pain.
No place to grab la..no clothes no diaper.. jus bare big flesh.
The time when we practice speak no evil, hear no evil, see no evil.
bet everyone cannot take it.. keeping our anger down.

Miss the opportunity. Next time then.

2009-05-21T23:04:00.001+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Rainy-*~|

The day ended with a good dinner at lemongrass (siglap) with aunt/uncle (my babysitter)
Had my fav salad.. and others. jus love the mango salad.

Then we walked home with a big tummy..
Along the road.. cooling night.. great..

AT last something nice.

2009-05-21T19:02:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Cloudy-*~|

A painful day ever..

Stomach churning..
Diarrhea..
Cramps..
Headache..
Giddy..
Anaemic..
Hungry..

All these made me feel terrible for the whole day..
PRob ate something bad.. on top of the painful cramps.

i am feeling sianx.. even more sianx than before about work..
i miss talking to them about how i felt about some issues. Hearing opinions about how things shld be done a better way..
Or prob i jus felt lousy..
Felt as thou some thing's going on.. how accurate is a woman's 6th sense?
Emo emo emo.. sianx.. F.
I guess i'm going back to become the withdrawn self.. shit.

+

Another young guy..
Looked worst than before..
CVC and PTC lines were removed..
He came back to us..
Looking severly jaundice.
Frail, weak, Pain..
Nursed him for 2 days.. Seeing his children.. wife.. made me sad.

He left us.. after i finished passing report to PM shift..
It was sudden (so fast) but not really.. as we hav already expected it.
I was still talking to him and feeding him medicine..
They changed his diaper..
Then he asked to me close the curtain..
Afternoon shift staffs checked him.. still ok..
Then.. he's gone..

Did he know that he's dying @ that point of time? He decided to let go?
that's why he asked me to close the curtain?
At least he didn't die in pain.
He jus left jus like tad.
He was dr jamie's 6th death case of the month.
and perhaps.. more..

++++++++++

20th May - My bestfriend's 21st..
We all had a great day..what we have planned for months was a success.
Everyone's hardwork paid off.
Glad she enjoyed the treasure hunt thingy..
And the time at O Bar..
None of us are tipsy.. yeah!

So many years going to xj's hse... now then i realized.. the prawn mee @ the bus stop is superb..
Next time i go again i'll sure eat prawn mee again. haha..

Thank You.. Xiaojun..for being so sporty..
The organising committee:
Alvin..Edwin..Kenneth..Yuting for being such great "team player".
The handicapped.. the stomach pain.. the super lack of rest.. the super bad mood when not enuff rest. The discussions.. arguements.. made this whole special day memorable.

I need some TLC..
Will prob find comfort from
"owe me a million"
Sad together.
Another depressing entry.

2009-05-13T23:21:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Ubin cycle day..with fung chee..
The bike trail almost killed me..
Fell down.. A stupid way to fall off my bike.. onto the rocks. ouch! Left scratches and red patches on my hip.. as if kena caned. ankle feels weird.. have prob walking.. jus hope tml will be ok. esp my palm.. site of infection..
Ate sinful food.. haha..
Afterall i had a great day.. excluding all the injuries.

Went parkway to develop n collect photos.. glad tad i was on time..before the shop closes..
walked arnd parkway.. nothing to buy also.. lucky it was only 10min

It's back to work tml.. and more busy stuffs to do in the coming days..
Predict: Sleep debts+++

happy.

2009-05-11T00:05:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Journey to the west - Completed.
Glad that other than those minor cuts and near missed accidents..
It was great. =)

Thinking about what u said..Felt disappointed thou..
Thought u'll be different from others. But realized u hav the same type of thinking.
I call it the brain washed type.
Some things said.. but when say too many times to many pple..
It's not worthy anymore.

Getting over it.

Mothers' Day..
Lunch was great at lemongrass @ siglap.
Shopping at suntec.. my sis's fav. place.. which she claims "all-in-one" mall.
Guess we've spend alot on food from carrefour, nike stuffs etc..
with the promo..gotten the precious moments umbrella for $2. nice..
Lucky we had the car to travel arnd..
At the end of the day.. Mom's happy, i am happy.

Went to That CD shop which sells high society albums. The layout of the shop is great.
Came home dinner was beef miso shabu with udon and seaweed salad and mushroom vege.. great!

Today.. My neighbour's wedding..It was happening in the morning.. while i am in deep sleep.. haha..
Mom and dad went for the wedding at hilton..
It was a "fast" prep wedding.. we're surprised too.. considering he's arnd my age.

still feeling tired from the cycling.. shit.

trying to control myself.

2009-05-07T14:36:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Supposed to meet this little friend of mine..
But i jus waited.. and waited and waited.. till i am sianx.
waiting for her call to come..

**

Was looking at lomo cameras..
Some how attracted to it.
Tot will probably get one when i hav enuff cash..
A so called a toy camera to play with.
Jus find the lens interesting.. how pictures can turn out.

**

Should i cut my hair short? Hmmm..

**

Swine alert down to yellow..
At least no more irritating phone calls from the screening counter.
Hope life at work will be back to normal soon.
Looking forward to my long off days. which is coming soon.. one day time. =)
Felt really wanna go out and breathe some air.

Mama's day coming.. But mom's still in ward. Hope she'll be discharged soon.. soon.. soon..
and some other big days.. many things to prepare..
all these to make the day memorable.. a day to celebrate.

**

If i could say things to you.. to tell u how i felt, what i'm thinking..my opinion. But i don't know why i can't.
What am i scared of? or you never listen?
U made me feel that whatever i said is wrong.

Are those deaths making me depressed? Even when i dun show it in front of them.

the empty seat beside.

2009-05-07T02:06:00.003+08:00

~*wEaThEr: -sunny-*~

talked n met up with some of my friends over dinner/supper..
was saying how much i hav channged over one year in nursing life.
all said the same thing.
I am not surprised. But start to think abt it.
I hav aged. haha. Looked qiao cui alot.
As thou all the energy has gone to zero.
What happened?

2009-05-05T23:09:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -sUNNY-*~|

Everyday it's like "FINALLY.. IT's END OF SHIFT!!"

I think i was slow to realized i am in Room 24 already..

From 25-26-24...
The 6 females + 3 Males.. shitty..
Always settle with the males first..
Then will get stuck forever in the female room.

Ytd.. tiring.. Was lucky to hav 2 juniors.. but... no joke man..jinx.. think it's cos nay myo oo dun bathe when he's on call.. + Someone ate pau.. and we saw moth..
2 deaths at other 2 rooms..
Next..
My side..3 admissions come one after another.. SOB++ Pain+++
Then followed by 2 pleural taps..
Then.. 1 death. I guess uncle was kind to keep his heart beating until it's late.
At least i know he's in a better place now.. seeing his last movement @ 8pm+.. thou didn't respond to me much. But he moved his hand together as thou like he's praying then.. gone..
peaceful.. and everything arranged.
Went home only at 12am+
No more public transport. So cab..
Still feeling unwell.. Woke up in a pool of sweat.. heavy head.. cab to work..
After work was like.. perfectly fine le..
Somehow liked junior work.. at least at to talk to my patients more.
out of 8, 7 sponging.. glad tad my back still straight @ the end of shift.

A funny incident..
One auntie.. plug no good.. plus hav chemo later.. so i said to her.. i need to remove the old plug and set a new one.
Then she said.. "Huh.. dun wan la.. dun let me suffer.. later can..??"
So i applied emla for her.. removed the old one and prepare to set the new plug.
I told her.. later do or now do still need to do..
Plus i've applied emla.. then she said.. later then apply again lor. =.=
i insisted.. dun feel like sayang-ing her. tired liao.
Then she asked me.. "Do u believe in god?"
I told her.. i believe in myself now.. cos i need to set a plug for u. haha..
Asked her to pray to god that she won't feel the pain..kept talking...+++
Then all done. then i tell her.. thank god it's all done. HA!
She scared i more scared man. shit.

Females are more emotional.. nice in a not very good way some times.. kept asking me.. xiao mei ah.. eat already a not.. so skinny.. u wan food.. i buy for u?? @ (12pm,1pm,2pm,3pm)
The main issue is.. if u guys stop pressing the call bell for a while.. probably i can hav my lunch and finish all the charting and Hourly parameters+++?

Seems like the "pau" season is on again..
central n a side had two in the morning..
What more..
Predicting who's next. OR we shld eat more paus.
=.=

Hope my nose,
the post nasal drip,
my throat,
my terrapin,
my mom,
the swine,
will recover.

2009-05-03T18:14:00.003+08:00

~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~

Had supper with wx ytd in the ah beng old pao che.. lol.
Never seen such old car before. No suspension.. felt every thingthat we ran over.
Talked about sec sch pple.. girlfriend.. work etc.. jus like how we used to hang out in the big grp.
Had dim sum @ geylang.. Then went arnd to eat wind. haha.
As usual.. i'm the street directory arnd the east.. My biking trip does helps some times.
glad tad we managed to get home safe from the storm.

But when i woke up this morning.. i was super unwell..
Nose blocked. feeling warm despite the rain..
heavy headed.. lethargic.. felt as thou an apple got stuck in my throat.
bad bad bad..

Had little food due to the pain in the throat. Not moving.. weak..
No fever.. but jus felt sick..blowing my nose away
Haix.

Ended playing FB at home..
Supposed to hav AL tml..
But will be back to work for PM shift..

Planning for cycling on saturday 9th may..
For nurses n doctors.. haha.. the batch of fun MOs.. hopefully can gather them..
Pray for good weather.

PJ, Jm and me.. depressed.. for having to cancel our long planned taiwan trip.. have to lose a sum of money which i felt unnecessary. SHIT..
WHY liddat!!!!

Running out of N95 masks.. have to use dragger and the new one called kimberly..
But i dun fit dragger.. sianx..
Jus hope everything will be back to normal soon..
the feeling of wearing those PPE is no joke..

I am sick.. and my terrapin is sick too. It looks sad.. and not eating.. haix.

suffering..

2009-04-29T18:38:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

IT has turned amber..
Gosh..
N95 + Full PPE..temperature etc. PAPR >> got to get familiar with the astronaut repirator.
Made me dizzy.. suffocating behind the mask..sweat.
Glad tad the shift is over..
Had ward meeting today..
Reminded me of the fall incident..
Sad..he's jus gone like tad.

IT has become like SARS period..
The masks.. temperature checking..
Data logging..
Hoping the disease will be controlled..
Felt that it's a punishment from god.. disease is a wake up call for everyone..

Thinking the life at work b4 we're seperated..
Haix..
There's new batch of SNs..
Saw familiar faces.. the previous PRCP batch.. looking forward to see the new staffs..
Prob they came at the wrong time..

Received the new issue of lifestyle by NTUC..
There's a VCD inside.. Life before death.. talking about the people fighting against cancer.. so proud of them.. But those are the few who looked on the brighter side of life. Most of them get depressed when they're diagnosed with Ca..
Are you really prepared for death??

i need some rest.

2009-04-28T22:12:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Rainy-*~|

The black pepper crab day @ joo chiat place..
nice..

Been having bad mood at work recently..
Like wad xiang xiang told me today.. when i see zy frown.. there's sure something bad..
Ha!
Jus being serious and lots of work to do lor.. tad's why my face so black..
IN the service line.. still hav to put on a smile in front of my pts..

The feeling of being greeted by my pts. when i start shift.. it's kind of like good? lolx
Hope the LOS: 57 days pt will be discharged smoothly.. cross fingers.

Read my friend's blog abt "patients."
Mayb it's jus the fear in them.
Or jus no one wants to take the responsibility.
When the family's true face shows..
Sad.
What a way to spend the rest of their lives..

The swine flu thingy.. has caused many upstirs in the world..
Checking our temp. like during SARS time..
The set up at the lift lobby..
Seriously.. I guess singaporeans are still in the "don't care" state..
Only when the real thing comes.. then they start to panic..
-.-

Can only hope tad our taiwan trip wont be interupted.

2009-04-27T00:07:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

heard some news abt my ex pt. from my colleague..
If i hav time to talk to him i would..

Will be going to work early tml..
Hav some things to do..
And no water supply at home tml.. so hav to wake up early and get out of the hse..

Tuesday.. will be having crabby.. @ joo chiat.. looking forward to it. =)

2009-04-25T20:43:00.004+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Back to work..
Felt so tired.. never before..

Glad tad we've completed the long run..
seeing my friend improves made me happy.
All the bitching along the way. gosh..
Didn't know ur work life is as dark too.
The little things u did.. =D

Was junior today.. phew..
In the room of long stayers..
Heard bad news from them tad one of them hav left us.. due to fall..

Some how i can sense more of the others will be leaving us..
The signs.. bad bad bad..

2009-04-24T01:53:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

met up with ter..
had dinner at a place a great friend brought me to..
had my usual order..
The day i realized ERPs are scary..
and made us dumb.

Caught the movie 252..a good choice
The jap disaster show.. Wonderful.
ZY likes..
Prob shld catch the piggy show also.. shld be nice too..

Getting out of the hse is a really good idea..
at least dun hav to face some pple.

Orchids along orchard road.. made me really want to go to botanic garden..
Really miss those orchids. The days i used to talk to them.. water them.. hopeful to sell them to a good gardener.

Alrighty.. one more day b4 i'm back to work..
Some times i need a little push..to get myself back on track.
To get the flow of thoughts right.

Long run tml.. i hope..
I really love running..
Am happy with my new skin..
Am missing my friends and track..
those busy working and studying. =)
Blogged for 5 yrs already. I can't believe it.

2009-04-23T16:18:00.003+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Wah seh.. managed to change my blogskin in a short time.. wonderful..
Super long didn't change the skin liao..
Glad tad i still remeber the formats..
Edit here n there.. happy with it for the time being..
Included archives which is missed out for a long time.. cos dunno where to put..
Realized i've been blogging for a while liao..
This thing existed for a long time man..
When IRC was in trend. Ha! Dumb.

Read some of the super old post.. dunno where to hide my face man..
those were the days.. haha
Of course xiao jun and yuting are always included. Not sold seperately. =)
The scandals we had. Gosh..

2009-04-23T15:03:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Renovation works going on next door.. can't stand the noise..
Headache man
Hopefully they will do everything in a day..
Neighbours are moving away.. leaving us being the oldest habitant in this level..
Those days of playing together along the corridor with other kids.. mini tennis, badminton, basket ball, soccer, catching, police and thief..then things start flying down.. taking turns to go down n pic up things..
The 101 things we can do along the corridor.. ha!

Last night was disaster..
Not only the winds..
The winds at home too..
Dad, sis, mom.. glad tad jason was around..
Or else some one will either land in the hospital or police station..

THings hav become worst i shld say..
The more i don't want to be here..
Being here is such a pain..
Mentally..
The hate we hav as if in born.. since we know how to speak.. and understand what is going on in the house.. "Da shi teng.. ma shi ai" This sentence doesn't sound right in this house.
The night i wished to run out and never came back.. the night when i felt i really needed someone..
The night i couldn't hold back the strong emotions inside..

The story which i hardly tell..

the dark side of my life.

Taiwan trip i nearing.. i realized.. Prob my first time going overseas jus with friends..
Will remember this as part of my 21st year..
Prob tad's why i join a marathon this year.. if it goes well.. den i'll pick up standard chartard.
Still thinking if i shld go for some sea sports.. conquer the fear of deep water.. gosh..
More biking.. more running.. more of everything i hope.. so greedy..
The time i shld engage myself or else when i'm old.. i'll feel tired. haha..
If everything goes well.. plan to go study next year.. IF only IF..
More 21st birthdays coming along..Parties to attend and plan.. The year all the 1988 pple turn 21..

Aunt's in stage 3..referred to med onco of course..
Haix.. What shld i say.. But at least for the time being.. so far so good.. family support.. and financially.. hope msw will come in n help her soon.
The last thing i want is to see my family/ friends in my ward. (many of us 2 work know tad deep inside)

I realized how weak my lower back is.. after all the injuries to it.. even simple things like picking things up.. is difficuly. Tried cutting my toe nails.. had a hard time man..
Why like tad..

The post night wasn't as happy as i thought.
It's jus full of Haix~~~
TLC needed.

2009-04-23T00:46:00.001+08:00

~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~

Thought the day will be good..
At least most of it..

Only to find my comfort zone with owe me a million.

2009-04-21T11:21:00.002+08:00

~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~

Last night tonight. I'm feeling like shen xian dun need to sleep.. lol..
High ah!

Looking forward to post night.. 3 days to do wad i want to do..
Yipee!!

I'm loving my owe me a million.. think it has become my substitute of "boyfriend".
I missed the don't forget the lyrics taiwan version last night.. Gosh.. Got xiao jing teng leh.
=.=

2009-04-19T18:27:00.003+08:00

~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~

HOT ah.. weather is damn hot la.. even at night
Sweat when writting report. omg.. BTH!!

Second night tonight..
With mom's cooking.. feel so fortunate.. haha.. =)

Planning for the next ubin cycling trip with cousins.. hope most of them can make it..
pray hard..

Happy Birthday GP!! Almost forgot till i look up at the call bell alert.. Thinking.. eh.. this date looks familiar.. haha! So dumb.. so i called u at 4am to wish u happy birthday. ha!

Hope my emo big bird will be better soon.. prob it's the time of life which u realized u've lived for a while. And start reflecting what u've done for the past years.

I jus love night shifts some times.

2009-04-18T15:47:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Such a hot day..
At home also sweat.

On night le.. Now it's in trend to do 4 nights..
More tired ba.. by morning will become walking zombie..

Mom's discharged le.. yeah..

2009-04-15T15:12:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Sunny-*~|

Laundry day.. the usual protocol for off days.

Aunt's mastec done.. hope the wound will heal well..
Then she'll prob hav chemo after tad..

Mom's still warded. wonder how many days more can she be discharged.

Yesterday's off day.. I was blowing my nose off for half a day..
Spend it with sis.. and later part i become the light bulb.
It's tuesday.. some how always happy tad it's tuesday..
Gelare waffles half price.. but wasn't tempted..
GV movie's @ $6.50. Finally watched DMC.. Good man.. had a good laugh
Before tad had a full b/f+lunch+dinner @ sushi tei. @ tampines one.. the new shopping mall.
Service was slow. which made us spend 2 hrs there.. =(

Sis bought more DVDs from TS.. god.. my hse can open shop liao.. the number of DVDs are countless.. the mountain is building day by day.. dunno where to put liao..

Satisfied tad i managed to catch Bones and CSI last night.. =)
Clarinase helped me to sleep thru the night without stucking tissues up my nose.
Stock running low.. got to buy from pharmacy liao.. (if i remember)

Tml work le..
Then soon night shifts will start..

Looking forward to the chocolate buffet on friday with pj and jm.. the long waited..
=) will never get sick of chocolate..

2009-04-11T22:42:00.002+08:00

|~*wEaThEr: -Rainy-*~|

Mom's admitted again. Old problem.
Got a shock tad good friday..
wanted to call out to blood bank to get urgent blood. On the other side.. my sis trying to call in.
Then after answering the call. Was blank a while.
Then i rmb i need to get blood. shit.

Everything's stable now.
All the ups and downs around hospital..
Getting even more tired now..

The JCI audit coming again.. even more sianx.

Haix. If only can hav a good night hanging out.. n relax.